Married at First Sight NZ contestants, October 2017. Photo / Instagram
Married at First Sight NZ contestants, October 2017. Photo / Instagram
I've been in a relationship with Three's reality TV romance line-up for some time now.
It all began when I first clapped eyes on The Bachelor NZ. It was March 2015 and with my five-month-old baby proving to be a handbrake for much of a social life, I had plenty of time to sit on the couch and watch Art Green earnestly dole out his red roses.
I wish I could say the conversations at my weekly coffee group gatherings at that time were about what our wee babes were doing or how to put the world to rights, but the biggest discussions were always about what was going on at the Bachelor mansion.
Dominic and Claire from Married at First Sight NZ, season 1. Photo / Supplied
Because the nation adored finally having its own version of that format. The series was silly, entertaining and heartfelt, with a fairytale ending that must have had the show's producers pinching themselves. I wanted more.
What I got the following year was the escapades of Bachelor Jordan Mauger, which promptly destroyed any romantic notions I had about the series, but I didn't need to worry. Three was ready to fill the local reality TV romance gap with another imported franchise, Married at First Sight.
After a bonkers first season that had Kiwi strangers actually legally marrying each other – as opposed to the non-legally binding ceremonies found elsewhere in the world – the show was a big old messy hit. It paved the way nicely for last year's Australian version of the show that Three slotted into a primetime spot.
And there was so much to love about that season of MAFS Australia. It was the perfect reality romance caper, with delicious villains cheating on their respective 'husbands' and 'wives', and a handful of lovable buffoons providing some much-needed comic relief.
It's safe to say my affair with Three's growing smorgasboard of reality romance was still going strong. But then 2019 happened.
Melissa and Dino from Married at First Sight Australia. Photo / Supplied
The new season of MAFS Australia landed on our screens and relentlessly bombarded us with hateful behaviour and over-the-top arguments four nights of the week.
With none of last year's levity to even out the drama, the series has been drowning in cheating, bullying, fisticuffs and what is feeling more and more like an irresponsible demonstration of emotional abuse. It's little wonder the series is being accused of staging the action using actors. It's completely, utterly absurd.
And now Three has announced it's going once more unto the breach of reality TV romance by throwing money at the Love Island phenomenon taking over the rest of the world and, up until now, TVNZ's OnDemand streaming platform.
For those unfamiliar with this insanely popular format, Love Island involves a bunch of young, beautiful people coupling up under constant surveillance in the hopes of winning love and/or a major cash prize. (I know this sounds very, very much like TVNZ's Heartbreak Island, but it's not. Okay?)
As well as buying the rights to the new seasons of Love Island UK, Love Island Australia and the new American version of the show, Three is also committed to making Love Island NZ – although goodness knows where they're going to find the contestants. After two seasons of Heartbreak Island on our screens, producers might find the pool of quality candidates is quite shallow in more than one regard.
Given each country's version of Love Island is made up of multiple episodes every week, that is an awful lot of reality TV romance coming to our screens this year.
I don't know about you, but I'm not sure I can stomach that many hours of affairs of the heart being wrung out for every single drop of drama any more – and not just because of the massive time commitment involved.
I could probably put this down to now being closer to the 54 end of the TV networks' coveted 25-54 age demographic, but I also think it's down to what's been a consistent diet of reality TV junk. Much like any diet of junk that lasts four years, I'm feeling beyond fatigued.
So with MAFS Australia turning more feral by the day and the prospect of wall-to-wall evenings of Love Island misadventures this winter, I think the time might be right to break off this once beloved relationship with Three's reality romance stable.
