It's the most wonderful time of the year. Or something like that. With just 20 days until Christmas, we're well and truly in the thick of shopping for presents, decorating trees — and watching mediocre festive flicks.
While most Christmas movies share the same characteristics (overcoming personal obstacles, finding love under the mistletoe, rediscovering the magic of the season), there are a few subgenres in the category.
Here are a few of them to cover most of your moods as we race towards the end of the year.
People generally fall into one of two camps: those who consider Love Actually to be the greatest Christmas movie made, and those — like myself — who are Love Actually truthers and can see the film for the festive turd that it is.
Where some see sweet, funny, intertwining love stories, others see the psychopath who turns up at his mate's house to declare his undying love for his mate's wife, the boss who encourages his employee to cop off with her colleague, and the British PM who cools the country's relationship with America when their President flirts with the tea-lady he covets.
Regardless of your feelings on the film, Sky Movies is running a Christmas Pop-up channel this year that features Love Actually not once, but twice.
That means twice the joy for fans and twice the fun for those who want to point out everything that is wrong and/or stupid about the movie, thus driving their loved ones up the wall.
Because what is Christmas for, if not to argue with your nearest and dearest?
The confusing film
When it comes to festive TV fare, Netflix leads the charge with old Christmas favourites, festive specials and new films to peruse.
One of their bigger Christmas investments this year is The Christmas Chronicles, starring none other than Kurt Russell as… hot Santa Claus?
The story ticks off a few classic plot points, with two siblings dealing with their family tragedy by using a camcorder to record footage of Santa on Christmas Eve — and then helping him save Christmas.
But it's so confusing in so many ways. For a start, why is it called The Christmas Chronicles? Does Netflix know what chronicles are? Why is a kid using a camcorder in 2018? Why do Santa's elves look like a bad acid trip?
What even ARE The Christmas Chronicles?
And, most importantly, why is Santa hot? Kurt Russell's fast-driving, jailhouse-singing Santa has a large dash of naughty to go with his nice and, honestly, I don't know how to feel about this.
The sweet film
If you're looking for something completely adorable to watch while wrapping gifts this year, look no further than another of Netflix's originals, Angela's Christmas.
Based on a children's book by Frank McCourt, this 30-minute Irish animated special is lovely, with beautiful imagery and gentle humour.
Set in Limerick in 1914, it follows a young girl's determination to make sure everyone is kept warm at Christmas time and is genuinely sweeter than all those candy canes you've been stress-eating of late.
The naughty film
We all need a little something to break up all that Christmas schmaltz sometimes. Think hard-drinking, thieving Billy Bob Thornton from Bad Santa or a gun-toting Bruce Willis in Die Hard.
Sky's Christmas movie pop-up also delivers the goods here, with Bad Moms 2 getting a look-in on December 17.
A scene from Bad Moms 2.
Sure, it's quite rubbish, but the Bad Moms gang do at least put a spotlight on all the worst aspects of Christmas that usually fall to mothers.
The guiltiest of Christmas pleasures
Finally, I cannot tell you how excited I was to hear Netflix had ordered a sequel to last year's breakout festive hit, A Christmas Prince.
Starring New Zealand's own Rose McIver as Amber Moore, an American journalist who winds up falling in love with a prince from the magical, made-up country of Aldovia, A Christmas Prince was an instant so-bad-it's-good hit.
A year later, McIver's Amber is back and set to marry her royal beau on Christmas Day. And, true to form, it's a terrible festive soap opera that's best watched after a couple of cold ones.
Choosing to focus a large part of this film on Aldovia's economic reforms (huh?), it's not as delightfully cheesy as the original flick, but it has enough snow, castles and pretty sparkles amongst the laughably predictable storylines to make it another Christmas classic.
