Unless you've been living under a rock, there are certain movie spoilers you really should know. Photo / Getty Images
Unless you've been living under a rock, there are certain movie spoilers you really should know. Photo / Getty Images
It should go without saying but this is a spoiler alert.
Because we're going to spoil every major movie twist, double-cross and jaw-dropping revelation that had you shouting "what the what".
With the never-ending stream of social media, it's bloody hard to avoid spoilers these days. And you have to ask yourself, what's a decent amount of time before you can freely start dropping spoilers?
Is the theatrical release window (roughly three months) enough? Or maybe one month after its digital release? A year? What about 77 years? Because if you haven't seen Citizen Kane by now, you're probably not going to and have no right to complain about spoilers, reports news.com.au.
So here we go, this is your last warning. SPOILER ALERT.
Sixth Sense: Child psychologist Crowe (Bruce Willis) is treating a kid who says he sees dead people. Guess what? Bruce Willis has been dead all along, that's why he and his wife don't speak. Duh.
The Usual Suspects: Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey) is Keyser Soze — he made it all up from bits of stuff in the cop's office — the ultimate unreliable narrator. Did any of what we saw actually happen?!
Citizen Kane: Charles Foster Kane (Orson Welles) clutches a snow globe on his death bed and utters "Rosebud". "Rosebud" is a sled — one that represents the innocence of his childhood but, you know, still a sled.
Psycho: Norman Bates was the killer. He posed as his dead mother after a psychotic break and keeps her mummified corpse upright in a chair. Oh, and he killed mummy dearest too in a fit of jealousy.
Obviously guilty. Photo / Supplied
Fight Club: The Narrator (Edward Norton) is Tyler Durden. The Brad Pitt-looking Tyler Durden doesn't exist — he's the Narrator's dissociative personality, like an imaginary friend, if imaginary friends were charismatic anarchists. Which maybe they are — exhibit B: Drop Dead Fred.
Gone Girl: Amy (Rosamund Pike) kidnapped herself, faked all the evidence against Nick (Ben Affleck) and managed to manipulate him into staying with her. Even after all that f**ked up sh*t.
Atonement: Cecilia (Keira Knightley) and Robbie (James McAvoy) both died in the war and never reconciled. Briony made up a happy ending for her book because she robbed them of one in real life.
Vertigo: Scotty (Jimmy Stewart) has been in love with the wrong woman because the real Madeleine (Kim Novak) was already dead, her corpse pushed out the belltower by her scumbag husband. So the Madeleine he thought he knew and Judy are the same person.
Not so innocent. Photo / Supplied
Primal Fear: That innocent altar boy (Edward Norton in his acting debut) faked his multiple personality disorder, killed the archbishop and Linda. He even faked his stutter! The nerve.
Soylent Green: It's people, OK. Soylent Green is people. Think about that next time you down one of those shakes the too-cool-to-consume-solids people love so much. Pffft.
The Orphan: The creepy nine-year-old Russian orphan is actually a crazy violent 33-year-old Estonian with a growth disorder. Jeepers.
Memento: Leonard (Guy Pearce) is Sammy. He's the one that gave his wife an overdose of her insulin, leading to her death. The memory is too painful, he represses it and sets in motion the mystery he's trying to solve.
Planet of the Apes: The nightmare planet astronaut Taylor (Charlton Heston) crashed on with all the talking apes? Earth. It was Earth all along.
Chinatown: The young Katherine is both Evelyn's (Faye Dunaway) sister and daughter — her creepy father raped her when she was 15.
The Empire Strikes Back: "No, I am your father". Whaaaaaaat?! Luke and Vader know a little something about awkward family reunions.
The Crying Game: Dil is transgender but Fergus takes the rap for a shooting Dil committed. But, it's OK, because it's all going to work out.
Twinning. Photo / Supplied
The Prestige: Twins! Christian Bale plays twins Alfred and Borden but shared a life — that's how they pulled off The Transported Man trick. And that's why he only loves his wife on some days.
The Others: Grace (Nicole Kidman) and her kids are the others. They're ghosts. Driven mad by isolation and psychosis, she shot them and herself and didn't realise they were actually dead.
Rosemary's Baby: The baby daddy is the devil and Rosemary's (Mia Farrow) neighbours are part of a Satan-worshipping cult. Next time your neighbours crank up the music, think about that. It could be so much worse.
Shutter Island: Leonardo DiCaprio's US marshal is actually an asylum patient who murdered his wife, and everything that's happened up until the reveal is the doctors indulging him in a game to break his insanity.
The Village: It's not the 19th century, it's the modern era and the village elders who set it up wanted to protect themselves from the "ills" of the outside world. So they pretended it was the olden times and made up the stories about the creatures in the woods.
Se7en: Don't open the box! Don't open the box! Gwyneth Paltrow's head is inside. I mean, we hate Goop but we don't hate it that much.
Friday the 13th: Jason's mother Mrs Voorhees was the one behind the mask. Or was she?
Scream: Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) should rethink her choice of mates because Billy (Skeet Ulrich), who faked his own death, and Stu (Matthew Lillard) did it.
Fallen: Azazel was the narrator the whole time, borrowing Denzel Washington's dulcet tones until he takes on cat form. Remember, the story is of the time he ALMOST died.
