Star Wars novice Alex Casey gets to grips with the franchise before the next instalment.
I don't like being left out of things, particularly when those things are enormous popular culture events that can swallow the collective consciousness for weeks, or even months.
It makes the internet a dull place to dwell, and real-life small talk very small. This irrational anxiety to keep up with the play is the reason I went to see Twilight on Christmas Day and dragged myself to The Hunger Games' midnight screening, even though I fell asleep as soon as my choc-top was eaten.
I have a crippling case of pop-culture FOMO, and for me no bigger franchise is built on shaky FOMO ground than bloody Star Wars.
It is perhaps my largest cross to bear, as someone paid to write about film and television, that I am a complete Star Wars novice - but please know that it is not for lack of trying.
One weekend, I sat down with a group of friends, closed the curtains, locked the doors and forced myself to sit through all six films.
The more enthusiastic fans made cocktails with Kessel Rum and Wedge Antilles of lemon and lime (a joke I am still waiting to understand) and I took pride of place in front of the television, waiting to be transported to a galaxy far, far away and join a group I had been left out of for so long.
Turns out Star Wars is about as impenetrable for me as the Death Star. I started to think that, coming into the series later in life, perhaps my problem was I couldn't shake the lack of accessible characters outside of Princess Leia and Padme.
Natalie Portman (Padme Amidala) and Hayden Christensen as (Anakin Skywalker) in Star Wars Episode II.
As we know, Star Wars isn't exactly revered for having a heroic representation of women. As the films lurched on, I started to see another popular film among thousands, following a group of men as they conquer every corner of the universe (literally), with one token woman at their side. This one just has more aliens with questionable accents.
A few years down the line, I've decided to give it another try in the wake of the new film The Force Awakens. This time, something has changed.
I've put down the Princess Leia-themed rums, sure, but have now found that the bun-wearing goddess is guiding me gently through the franchise in a different way.
Namely, through the incredible commentary that actress Carrie Fisher has been generating, a pure beacon of light in the midst of frothing Star Wars fare.
In promoting The Force Awakens, in which she returns as Leia, Fisher has made some bold, challenging and inspiring comments on her role in the franchise.
By proxy, she has been slowly dissecting the role of women in Hollywood blockbusters, a world still so aggressively dominated by men.
Daisy Ridley as Rey in the upcoming movie Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
She openly told new lead actress Daisy Ridley to not succumb to her character becoming a slave, a reference to the infamous bikini and chain provided by Jabba the Hutt. The "Leia as slave" merchandise has since been discontinued, and perhaps the tides are turning.
Dismantling the fantasy behind Leia, Fisher has also publicly recalled instances of bosses telling her in 1977 to lose weight.
I suppose those white robes aren't exactly slimming but, as she weighed 48kg at the time, she has highlighted just how much pressure the industry puts on its female stars. The saddest part is that even now, Fisher has lost more than 15kg to reprise the role.
Fisher has picked apart the problems of the franchise from the inside, an incredibly powerful thing to do when it feels like the rest of Hollywood is desperately trying to squash women in a Death Star trash compactor.
Much like her actions in that iconic scene, she is pushing back on the oppressive forces coming at women from all angles.
With her voice in my head, elements of Star Wars become laughable, outdated and desperately in need of a revamp. Fisher has provided a new hope for women in the next instalment. All they have to do now is not disappoint.
* Star Wars: The Force Awakens opens on December 17.
