KEY POINTS:
What's different about your Oscars routine?
I'm new and revolutionary. I'm using Chris Rock's material and some of Whoopi's, and I'm going through all the old tapes. The older it is the more I have a chance of getting away with it. I was going to do the whole song-and-dance number in a film but that's been done. Everything that's been done originally, just so you know, was mine. It was stolen from me. So, no dancing. No singing. I won't talk. It's all mime this year. I'm in a box.
What happens if you get sick?
The more that could possibly go wrong, the better. I want there to be a speech we talk about the next day. I want someone to trip on the way up the stairs. I look for that. If I have to, I'll push.
Is that why the show is broadcast with a delay?
I'm going to wait seven seconds before I speak.
When you hosted the Emmys you said, "What would bug the Taleban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?" Do you still feel that way?
No. The odd thing is I actually forget I'm gay till people remind me.
Too late for Brokeback Mountain jokes this year, then?
That's probably why I wasn't asked last year. That movie and me hosting - too gay.
Could this be your gig for several years like some of the other hosts?
I'm going to pee on the stage to mark my territory. If I enjoy myself and it goes well, then, yeah, I would love to do it again. I love hosting. It's my jumping out of an airplane or rock climbing or what people do to get that thrill.
Most people dream of receiving Oscars, not hosting them.
There was a chance when I did Finding Nemo that I would be nominated. I thought I'd win an Oscar for being a fish.
What's your pre-Oscars beauty routine?
I scrubbed my heels today with an emery board. Everyone's pestering me about a dress. It's out of the question. I love suits. I care about clothes. I mean Portia [de Rossi] and I go to events and they just want to know what she's wearing. And I'm like, you know, this is not JC Penney. It's actually nice.
You get more publicity Downunder now that you're dating an Aussie.
Hopefully this is forever, but I'm sorry I haven't dated someone from every country. I would be huge. I missed out. I stayed in this country too long.
* See Ellen, weekdays, TV One, 3pm
