A quick word: Wilson Dixon

Wilson Dixon. Photo / Supplied

A quick word with Wilson Dixon, the country music star from Cripple Creek, Colorado.

True, some do see Dixon as a comedian. There's a chance to decide for yourself with his own show Wilson Dixon: The New Zealand Tour on television next week which features a mix of "occasionally perplexing experiences of New Zealand and the locals he meets along the way" and a performance by Dixon and his band Hard Cheese filmed live at Auckland's Mercury Theatre.

Mr Dixon, sir, we can't find Cripple Creek, Colorado on Google Maps. Why is that?

I think it's because no one in Cripple Creek has internet access. Most of us have electricity now, so it can't be far away.

Now that you finally have your own television special in New Zealand, have you really anything else to achieve in your musical career?

Maybe a television special in Antarctica. It's a massive market that country music hasn't really cracked yet.

Some would describe your performance style as deadpan, low key and words to that effect. Is it a metabolism thing?

I guess if it was, lizards and snakes and other animals with low metabolisms would be deadpan and, in my experience, they're not. Snakes are kind of the opposite of deadpan. They're more like livepan.

Were there any problems with bringing Andrew, your horse, on your NZ tour this time, with quarantine and all that?

I didn't bring him, I got my Uncle Cleetus to look in on him - feed him, walk him, give some salt to lick, etc. But then Uncle Cleetus had to go to Denver for an undisclosed medical procedure and my Uncle Randy took over, which was bad because Andrew and Randy don't really get on. Put it this way - the salt lickin' stopped ...

Same question about the quarantine stuff, only applied to the members of your backing band Hard Cheese.

The band are usually okay with quarantine situations, although my drummer, Earl Scrote, did have difficulties in Australia getting into the fruit fly exclusion zone. Come to think of it, that might have been due to him carrying a number of individually wrapped peaches through the checkpoint in the manner of a drug mule.

Seriously, Andrew?

You bet. He's the most serious animal, I know, let alone a horse. Sometimes nothing makes that critter lighten up. Give him some hay - it's the wrong grass variety. Give him a salt lick - it's not sea salt. Take him for a ride - the saddle's too tight ...

In the words of the song, Where Did You Get That Hat?

Is there really a song about where someone got their hat? What's the album called - Banal Questions Answered In Song? What other songs are on the album - What Did You Have For Lunch? That Tree Over There Is Far Away? You need to listen to some more interesting music.

Does the ponytail come with the hat (or is it from a friend of Andrew's)?

Am I right in thinking that you're likening my hair to a horse's tail? We all know what's at the end of a horse's tail or, should I say, the beginning of one - it's a horse's ass. And when I say "horse's ass" I'm not talking about a donkey that belongs to a horse.

LOWDOWN

What: Wilson Dixon: The New Zealand Tour
When and where: Wednesday, February 1, 9.30pm, TV2

-TimeOut