Issue 1: Father’s drinking
A: First and foremost, the children need to be physically safe while in your ex-partner’s care. If he is heavily intoxicated (or even just intoxicated) then he will not be able to properly supervise them. They are still relatively young. From the information you have provided it sounds as if alcohol use is an issue for him and he is not able to drink moderately.
There is no one correct approach to deal with the issue. It depends on the level of risk you and your lawyer assess the situation as posing: did your ex-partner require assistance from supports such as a doctor or organisation such as Alcoholics Anonymous last time he was using alcohol? If so, would he be prepared to re-engage? Would he likely adhere to a written commitment not to use alcohol when the children are with him or is he only likely to adhere if there is a Court order?
It is only in relatively rare cases that an order will be made stopping contact between children and a parent completely. Usually, if there are safety concerns an order will be made that the contact is supervised, either by an agreed friend, a relative or at a supervised contact facility until the issue is addressed.
Options would be as follows:
1. Put your ex-partner on notice that you are aware that he has been drinking again. It is best this is done through a lawyer to highlight the seriousness of the issue. Ask for confirmation that he will not use alcohol at all while the children are in his care. Let him know that the children will not be having any contact with him until he has confirmed this. If he continues to drink with the children in his care you will need to stop contact (or limit it to appropriately supervised contact) and file an application for a parenting order in the Family Court.
2. Go straight to the Family Court and seek an order that his contact with the children be supervised. The supervision would likely need to continue until he can provide assurance that he has stopped drinking. Any final parenting order would include a clause that he does not drink or use drugs while the children are in his care.
Children on iPad
This is a difficult issue as people will have different views on what is acceptable use of an iPad for a child. Although separated parents need to reach agreement on guardianship issues – i.e., major issues for children such as schooling and medical treatment, this does not fall within the category of a guardianship issue. To a large extent (and providing the children are safe physically and psychologically) it is up to the parent in whose care the children are in how their time is spent. However, the Family Court may be prepared to intervene if the children’s screen time is lengthy.
As a first step, I would suggest you discuss the issue directly with your ex-partner to see if the two of you can reach agreement on some guidelines and time limits for the children’s iPad use. Are there regular activities the children could be enrolled in, such as swimming lessons, over the weekend to help him keep the children engaged? You will have a better chance of reaching agreement if you approach the issue with him in a non-confrontational manner.
If your attempts at discussing the issue with your ex-partner directly are unsuccessful then I suggest you invite him to attend Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) mediation. This is mediation facilitated by a third party trained in conflict resolution. The Ministry of Justice website has information about service providers and fees and funding. It is worth bearing in mind that you need to have attempted to resolve parenting issues through FDR mediation before making an application to the Family Court for a parenting order. This requirement does not apply if there are safety issues involved (as described above in relation to alcohol use) or there has been domestic violence.
Jeremy Sutton is a barrister and family lawyer at Bastion Chambers.
