If your inheritance is kept separate, then you are not legally obligated to share it with him.
Sale of your family home
As your home is in a trust, what happens to it will depend on how the trust is set up. The home is not the personal property of you or your husband, so your husband cannot do what he likes with the property unless the trust deed permits it.
You mention that you and your husband are equal beneficiaries. I'm assuming you are also both trustees of the trust. Sometimes trusts also have an independent trustee, for example your lawyer, a friend or family member.
Your trust deed will state the conditions for making decisions, which would include selling trust property. For example, decisions can be made by the majority of trustees or must be unanimous.
If your husband isn't able to force a sale under the terms of the trust deed, then he would need to apply to the Court for an Application for Sale.
Application for Sale
Getting a court order can be a slow process. Once you've applied, it can take 12 months or more for your case to be heard. The judge will consider your situation in context, including your assets, debts, incomes and the needs of your children. You write that your family home/farm provides your income – that would certainly factor into the judge's decision.
Going to court will be expensive for you and your husband, and neither of you can be certain of the outcome.
Next steps
You should review your trust documents to see what powers the trustees have to make decisions about the trust property.
Given your situation is complicated and your husband is making threats, I recommend you meet with a lawyer to discuss your rights and options.
Do you have a family law question? Email it to js@bastionchambers.co.nz. Questions should not exceed 200 words. Please provide a phone number. Your name will not be published. Jeremy cannot answer all questions, correspond directly with readers, or give legal advice. Jeremy's advice is of a general nature, and he is not responsible for any loss that any reader may suffer from following it.
• Jeremy Sutton is a senior family lawyer, specialising in divorce cases where there are significant assets, including family trusts and complex business structures.