Generally, you should get the mother’s agreement for the child to travel. Making a unilateral decision could cause urgent applications to be filed in the court to prevent the holiday, which would be costly and cause further hostility between you and your ex.
What’s the first step?
Parents should try to agree about holidays and special occasions in advance so there is a plan in place. When these arrangements are left to the last minute, it is more likely there will be a dispute. Both sides need to compromise.
You need to sit down with the mother and talk through your plans. This could include:
- Weighing up pros and cons. The pros include strengthening the relationship between you and your daughter as she learns new skill. Cons include potential danger in learning skiing and the time away from school.
- Discussion of the mother’s concerns about the holiday and how these could be addressed. For example - whether the trip could be shortened to say, a long weekend. This would alleviate the mother’s concerns about your daughter missing school, as well as her concerns about the length of the trip.
- Whether any additional steps can be taken to ease the mother’s concern that you are travelling with your daughter for that length of time by yourself. For example, you might want to consider whether you could take another adult (i.e. a mutual friend of you both) along for additional support or plan phone or video calls with your daughter and her mother.
- How you will ensure your daughter’s safety on the trip if participating in potentially risky activities such as skiing (i.e. your daughter will always be on the beginner slopes, protective gear will be used, she will get lessons, and you will be constantly supervising her, etc).
- Provision of clear communication around the details of the trip (accommodation, travel tickets, itinerary) and a plan to keep in contact with the other parent while on holiday.
She still doesn’t agree - what’s next?
Sometimes it is not possible for parents to reach an agreement by themselves. The next step in the process would be to engage in Family Dispute Resolution (FDR). FDR involves a neutral mediator who can help parents to resolve disagreements involving matters such as special occasions and holidays without the need to go to court. Before attending an FDR, you would need to complete a Parenting Through Separation course.
Failing this, if you still wished to take your daughter on holiday you would need to file an application through the courts. The court would decide based on what is in your daughter’s best interests, considering the pros and cons listed above. Given the delays in the court process, it is necessary to make any application well in advance of the travel date.
Conclusion
Separated parents can still make Father’s Day a wonderful day of celebration and appreciation. Flexibility and co-operation with the other parent are key to ensuring these special occasions can be enjoyed by all but in the absence of agreement, there are other options for resolving these types of disputes.
