Sarcasm, self-deprecation and inside jokes: A user's guide to humour at work

Humour can be a powerful leadership tool Photo / 123RF

Many of us intuit that humour matters. Ask your colleagues what characteristics they value in a friend or a romantic partner, and they are likely to mention a sense of humour. But ask the same people what traits they value in a leader, and odds are that humour will not top the list.

In fact, humour can be a powerful leadership tool. A culture of levity facilitates interpersonal communication and builds social cohesion. It can build trust and high-quality work relationships, and fundamentally shape the way people perceive one another's levels of confidence, competence and warmth. It also influences employee job performance, job satisfaction, organisational commitment, creativity and psychological safety.

Still, jokes that fall flat or are offensive can harm professional standing by making a joke teller appear less intelligent and less competent. They can lower status and in extreme cases cost people their jobs.

When we converse with others, we balance multiple motives simultaneously. We may aim to exchange information clearly, make a positive impression on one another, navigate conflict, have fun, and so on. The degree to which each motive is viewed as socially acceptable varies from setting to setting. That's why context is so important when it comes to humour. A certain joke may work dazzlingly well with one group of people but completely flop with another. And although jokes generally function as social glue, they may have the opposite effect if they're perceived as thinly veiled brags or as insulting.

Here are ways to capture the benefits of humour while avoiding the contextual risks:

When to use inside jokes

This form of humour is deployed whenever an outsider doesn't have the background information needed to get a joke. Inside jokes are extremely common — our data suggests that almost everyone has engaged in or witnessed one. The problem with them is that they can draw fault lines in a group, making some people feel awkward and excluded. Inside jokes have their place, of course. They can signal closeness or camaraderie, and they can be useful in transactional or nonconsequential situations when it doesn't matter much if an outsider doesn't get it. But the research on this kind of humour is clear: When group cohesion is important, tell jokes that everyone can understand.

When to use sarcasm

Research reveals that sarcasm is not just for teenagers trying to irritate their parents; it can also be useful to managers and teams. Since sarcasm involves saying one thing and meaning the opposite, using and interpreting it requires higher-level abstract thinking, which boosts creativity. The downside is that sarcasm can produce higher levels of perceived conflict, particularly when trust is low between the expresser and the recipient. And because sarcasm involves saying the opposite of what you mean, the risk of misunderstandings is higher. The lesson: Unleash your sarcastic side to get the creative juices flowing — but tone it down with new colleagues, in unfamiliar settings or when working in teams where strong relationships haven't been built yet. Until you've established trust, it's best to communicate with respect.

When to use self-deprecation

Self-deprecating humour can be an effective method of neutralising negative information about oneself. Individuals are seen as warmer and more competent when they disclose negative information using humour than when they disclose it in a serious manner. There are limits to the benefits of self-deprecating humour, however. Among lower-status people it can backfire if the trait or skill in question is an essential area of competence. For instance, a statistician can make self-deprecating jokes about her spelling more safely than she can about her statistical skills. You should also avoid using humour to reveal your failures in situations where levity would be seen as inappropriate (such as if you are testifying in court) or when the failure is perceived as so serious that joking about it would be in poor taste.

When to use humour to dodge difficult questions

Few people enjoy being asked difficult questions. Research has revealed a range of ways people respond to them: by staying silent, explicitly lying or responding with another question. Humour is another option that can be quite helpful. That's because jokes can be cognitively distracting. Just as a good magician gets the audience to look away from the sleight of hand, a successful joke can turn our attention away from certain information. Research shows that successful humour can also make us happy — and we are more likely to trust people when we are in a good mood.

When to use humour to deliver negative feedback

Delivering negative feedback can be challenging, so it may be tempting to fall back on a joke to lighten the mood. However, couching criticism in a joke can lessen its impact. Studies show that, although humorous complaints are usually better received than serious ones, they are also seen as more benign. As a result, people may feel less compelled to take action to rectify the problem highlighted. Because accompanying criticism with humour softens the feedback, it detracts from getting the point across when the issue is not obvious.

When to use humour as a coping mechanism

Humour can be an extremely powerful coping tool, in even the toughest circumstances. American prisoners of war in Vietnam frequently used it to deal with the tough conditions they experienced. Again, the cognitively demanding aspect of humour can distract people, leaving them less able to focus on negative information. However, the type of humour involved matters. Research shows that positive, good-natured humour in response to bad news make people feel better, but dark or mean-spirited jokes make them feel worse.

When you think about humour as a tool of leadership, recognize that people can be funny in a variety of ways. Witty conversationalists differ from elaborate storytellers, clever emailers and rollicking presenters. If you're uncomfortable making jokes in a large group, stick to using humour in one-on-one conversations. If you tend to be more serious when talking one-on-one, you might try sending funnier emails.

If you don't think you can land jokes at work, or you're too nervous to try, that's OK too. You can still incorporate levity into your work life by doing something simple: appreciating other people's humour. Be quick to laugh and smile. Delight in the absurdity of life and in the jokes you hear. A life devoid of humour is not only less joyful — it's also less productive and less creative.

The problem

Humour is widely considered essential in personal relationships, but in leaders, it's seen as an ancillary behavior. Though some leaders use humour instinctively, many more could wield it purposefully.

The benefits

Humour helps build interpersonal trust and high-quality work relationships and influences behaviours and attitudes that matter to leadership effectiveness, including employee performance, job satisfaction, organisational commitment and creativity.

The balance

These benefits don't come without potential costs. The guidelines in this article suggest ways to capture the benefits of humour while avoiding the downside risks.

When humour works and when it doesn't

There are no hard-and-fast rules about when it's safe or appropriate to tell a joke, but these general guidelines can help you use humour successfully at work.

• Use inside jokes when you're not worried that individuals who don't get the joke will feel ostracised. Avoid inside jokes when you care about group cohesion and not everyone is in the loop.

• Use sarcasm when you're trying to boost creativity in a group of people you know well and trust. Avoid sarcasm when you're trying to build relationships or when you want to avoid interpersonal conflict.

• Use self-deprecation when you're joking about a nonessential trait or skill or you have to disclose negative information about your competence and your only other option is to do so in a serious way. Avoid self-deprecation when you're discussing a core skill for your job or have not yet established widespread trust in your competence.

• Use humour to dodge difficult questions when you're confident the audience will view your response as funny and you have a more serious answer if you're pressed on the question. Avoid humour to dodge difficult questions when you don't have a sense of the audience and you're not highly confident the joke will land.

• Use humour to deliver negative feedback when you want to increase the odds that the recipient will remember the feedback. Don't use humour to deliver negative feedback when there's a chance the recipient will underestimate the urgency or importance of the message.

• Use humour as a coping mechanism when you're close with the members of a group going through something difficult. Don't use humour as a coping mechanism when the situation is ongoing or recent ("too soon") or you risk being perceived as callous.

• Use humour whenever you can, cognisant of your relationships with the people listening and the norms of different environments.

Written by: Brad Bitterly and Alison Wood Brooks
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