Peter Bromhead: Paper waste

Illustration / Peter Bromhead

"Look at the state of your office!" exclaimed my visitor, staring at my over-filled wastepaper baskets. "How can you work in such chaos? Aren't you ashamed of wasting so much paper?"

"It's the way I prefer to draw," I replied. "I tend to consume a few sheets producing cartoons." Apologetically, I added, "it's about getting the line right."

"So, why don't you pencil sketch first, then finish off in ink once you have your wiggles right?"

To such practicalities, I just shrug and stare out the window.

"Have you any idea that the paper you're wasting involves manufacturing processes releasing untold amounts of nitrogen dioxide, sulphur dioxide and carbon dioxide into the atmosphere?" my friend continued, noting more rubbish bags stacked in a corner, all filled with used paper.

Picking a crumpled sheet with just one small squiggly line on it up from the floor, she continued sternly, "Paper production is a well-known contributor to acid rain, plus, the carbon dioxide created in the process is another greenhouse contributor to global warming!"

"Ah! Global warming," I murmured, trying to appear contrite. I had forgotten that my formerly boozy friend had become a born-again planet worrywart, solemnly practising ecological frugalities that would put a Trappist monk to shame.

"We all have to take some responsibility for the health of the planet," she murmured, adding piously, "even those who think they're above it all, like cartoonists."

"I've tried electronic drawing tablets, but even the latest model still doesn't have the right tactile feel like pen to paper," I feebly retorted.

"Perhaps you're not trying hard enough," she scolded, echoing the words of the caregiver, who also believes I consume too much paper, not because of worries about the planet, but for more practical reasons, such as saving money.

Believing diversion is the only defence against ecological zealots, I asked bluntly: "Have you any idea how much toilet paper you use a year?"

"Isn't that a rather personal and impertinent question?" my friend replied.

"Well, I suggest that like most of us, you'd be averaging about 22kg of toilet paper every year. That must be a big worry for a dedicated greenie."

Clearly, this had not occurred to her. "So what's the recycling alternative?" she asked.

"Well ..." I replied, "... I could offer you several sackfuls of used drawing paper, if your bottom can handle the humour."