Peter Bromhead: More than a picture with the PM

Cartoon / Peter Bromhead

When I received an invitation to meet former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, I was excited to learn that, as a VIP ticket holder, I'd also be entitled to have my photograph taken with the guest of honour.

The caregiver, as usual, dampened my enthusiasm with awkward questions.

"Why would you want to be photographed with somebody who's supposedly promoting a low carbon world economy, but who unashamedly swans around the world in private jets?"

"Well," I replied gruffly, "time is money and when you're focused on the big picture, there will be sound reasons for his trifling ecological indulgence."

"I think his big picture is making pots of money," she continued. "According to your invitation, the cost of that memento snapshot is going to set you back either $1500 for a single ticket, or $15,000 for a group VIP table."

"Isn't there anything cheaper?" I asked hesitantly, not wishing to appear politically low-rent.

"Yes, but you'd miss out on the VIP photo shoot."

"Perhaps I could wangle a Sunday newspaper social page picture after the event," I suggested weakly.

"He won't have time. When he's criss-crossing the Tasman and packing in five cities in three days, he won't even bother switching off his jet engines between speaking appearances. Even the VIP guests will be shuffled through the handshake ceremony at speeds matching the camera shutter," the caregiver cynically added.

"I think you're being a bit hard on him - after all, for the price of a ticket, I'm going to be addressed by one of the world's most dynamic orators," I pointed out.

"That's not what Mr Deng Qingbo, a media commentator, said about Blair's speech at a similar VIP banquet in Dongguan, in Southern China," she dryly informed me.

"He reported that Blair's oratory was stuffed full of platitudes and sounded more like a report from a Chinese country level official."

"Well, at least I'll have the opportunity of questioning him about world events, after his speech," I said hastily, trying to justify the horrendous expense.

"Yes, that's true," the caregiver replied, smiling thinly. "You could start by pricking his conscience about the Pinocchio-size whoppers he spun about Iraq's 'weapons of mass destruction' as justification for helping to start a war that killed thousands of innocent people.

"That should momentarily distract him from listening lovingly to the sound of his own cash register ringing."