KEY POINTS:
Hundreds of books and thousands of articles have been written on the topic of what makes a good leader. In my years of coaching and consulting, I've had an opportunity to work with all kinds of leaders, good and bad. One trait of a good leader that seems to top everyone's list is self-awareness.
A group of researchers at the Harvard Business School recently wrote an article stating that self-awareness was the number one trait shared by all good leaders. But defining just what self-awareness really is can be quite difficult.
A common definition of self-awareness is: "Having a rational awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses and knowing how to manage them." In my experience, this definition is spot on, because I see so many leaders struggle to know why their people have so much trouble understanding what they want.
Performance psychologist Jim Leohr, bestselling author of The Power of Story, writes that good leaders have the willingness and ability to value feelings and ideas that are contradictory to their own and not choose sides between them.
Leaders who lack this ability will say, "that's the way I am, deal with it". Good leaders know how to put their personal feelings and prejudices aside and do what is best for customers, employees and stakeholders (take note of the order of importance).
I recently spoke at the US Naval Academy annual leadership conference and had the opportunity to ask Jim Donald, the new head of Starbucks, what he thought the number one trait of a good leader was. Jim told me that good leaders know the difference between being liked and being respected.
Jim asked me to think of a person I worked for in my past that I respected most. That's easy for me: Marc Brinkmeyer. Jim asked, did I like him, or respect him? I had to admit that I respected him, but we didn't exactly socialise together. I would say that those seven years were the years of "growing pains".
For most people, reaching a high level of self-awareness is difficult. People are the masters of self-deception. We look at the world through our own eyes and our own basic instincts; we subconsciously put ideas and concepts in a "right" and "wrong" category. That's why we are so astute at finding fault in others' behaviour but not in ourselves. It's hard to be objective through self-assessment when our instincts are saying, "no worries, I'm just fine".
An example I use while coaching clients is to ask them two questions. The first is, "Do you feel you ought to keep your employees involved in the decision-making process?" I almost always get a "yes".
The second is "whom do you trust to make your decisions for you?" This question is most often followed by silence. I'm not suggesting that good leaders lead through group consensus. I often teach that business is not a democracy and leaders who only lead through committee often fail.
The point is, it's really difficult to go against what our instincts tell us is reality.
People are creatures of habit and habits driven by instinct are hardest to change - people can't change what they can't see. We first have to face the truth about our vulnerabilities. The pain of growth is inevitable but the good news is that the suffering is optional.
During the past six years, I have been developing a tool to help managers and employees get tough with their blind sides without making them feel like there is something broken that needs to be fixed. It's call MyHardwired. I always use the example that becoming more aware of your blind sides is no different than right-handed people learning to use their left hand when the need calls for it. It's not about being right or wrong.
Good leaders learn to talk about their blind sides without apologising for who they are, and surround themselves with people who excel at things they don't. People who achieve a higher degree of self-awareness say it not only opens up new opportunities, but it's quite rewarding to become more effective while just being yourself.
* Ken Lathrop, from the US, is now with AssessSystems, working on employee development, teamwork, communication and leadership.
