Will somebody please find Bill Clinton a decent job? It is quite disconcerting to see this talented politician and world leader debasing himself in the role of ex-President for hire.
For days now the PR spin has run hot with planted "stories" about tonight's big soiree in a marquee down by Auckland's Hilton Hotel, in which Clinton will, of all things, feature at a dinner to launch a new series BMW.
Ticket prices. The Who's Who guest list. The fabulous dinner menu and the Auckland glitterati said to be disappointed at the ex-President's decision that the dress code is business suits, rather than black tie.
These are the things that dominate coverage of Clinton's visit.
All this while one of Clinton's presidential predecessors, Jimmy Carter, has been hogging international television and newspaper headlines snuggling up to one of America's greatest bogeymen - Cuban President Fidel Castro.
Carter's solo foreign policy operation reached a peak when he used an address to the Cuban people, broadcast live on television, to call on Castro to allow a referendum to bring broad reforms in political rights and pushed for US trade sanctions to be lifted.
It was all shadow-boxing, of course.
But the most Clinton has been able to achieve since leaving office is a request to represent America at the recent East Timor independence celebrations.
In the US, the visit - Clinton's first official role for the Government since he vacated the White House - was portrayed as a peace offering by President Bush.
After all, Bush's White House has, since September 11, run its own spin basically blaming the Clinton regime for the failure to rein in Osama bin Laden.
As President, Clinton had persuaded the United Nations to send in peacekeeping troops after violence broke out when the former Indonesian province voted for independence in 1999.
At the 1999 Apec meeting in Auckland, Clinton used the opportunity to put pressure on Indonesia by building a consensus with other Asia Pacific leaders - and by brokering a backroom deal on the issue through Indonesian fixer James Riaddy.
The issue genuinely resonates with New Zealand politicians - particularly those from the Labour left - who have supported the East Timor cause over many years.
Prime Minister Helen Clark caught up with Clinton at the Dili celebrations - and can be expected to raise a number of more crunchy issues when they sit down to dinner tonight.
Clinton needs to raise funds to pay his lawyers' fees and fund his presidential library.
The after-dinner speaking circuit is a legitimate avenue which many former statesmen and women, like Mikhail Gorbachev and Margaret Thatcher, have used to speak freely, without the shackles of office, about their experiences as world leaders, or to offer considered opinion on current events based on their unique experiences and backgrounds.
But in Clinton's case, some of the invitations just appear tacky.
After the Dili celebrations he gave a speech at Shenzhen at the invitation of a local real estate firm.
There was the usual honorarium - in this case $US250,000 - for addressing his 300-strong audience on the "World Trade Organisation and China's Real Estate economy" - a rather tenuous linkage.
The symposium was hosted by noted Chinese master of ceremonies Yang Lan, and there were more than 300 people in the audience, made up of Chinese, Hong Kong and American political and business celebrities, including Shenzhen Mayor Yu Huanjun, and the American Consul-General in Guangzhou.
The Guangzhou Daily News reported that Clinton's speech, which was scheduled to begin at 9:30 am, was pushed back over an hour when his flight was delayed.
The 30-minute talk on "WTO and China's Real Estate Economy" was marked by not a few digressions and ad-libbed comments, leaving the impression that "he did not have sufficient knowledge of the subject, that his focus was scattered, and mid-way through the presentation, several listeners were seen to be taking out their earpieces through which they heard the translation."
The News said that after the speech, members of the audience asked serious questions about the world economy and the political situation, including questions about the effect of WTO membership on Shenzhen's situation, which the former President had no way of answering.
In replying to a question on how he thought the Middle East crisis could be resolved, he wrung his hands together and answered "I don't know, I really don't know." At this, a sound of suppressed laughter rippled through the audience, the newspaper said.
There are major issues of importance to New Zealand on which Clinton could usefully shed some light.
Take our push for a US free trade agreement - a campaign which began under his own presidency but reached a stalemate when Congress would not grant Clinton fast-track authority to negotiate binding trade deals with other nations.
At that time Clinton's own legitimacy was under siege, his personal proclivities getting in the way of good governance.
But last week the US Senate passed legislation granting his successor, President Bush, trade promotion authority - essentially the same power.
New Zealand has been pushing its own case for an FTA quite hard since Bush took office.
But this country has played a backseat role to Australia, which is expected to get formal confirmation soon that the US wants to negotiate a deal.
The announcement in Australia's favour may come during a proposed visit by Australian Prime Minister John Howard to Washington mid-year.
In Washington last week, Trade Negotiations Minister Jim Sutton pressed New Zealand's case in a personal meeting with US Trade Representative Bob Zoellick. Clark will no doubt get some words in Howard's ear during the mission she will lead to Australia this week.
But New Zealand needs more friends at court in the US.
If Clinton's visit achieves one worthwhile outcome, it may be to forge a role whereby he could pull some strings and reduce future opposition by some of his former Democrat colleagues to this nation's push for access to the world's largest consumer market.
A far better legacy than fronting up to real estate conferences and car company launches - no matter how high-class the brand.
Dialogue on business
<i>Fran O'Sullivan:</i> Worthier roles await Clinton
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