Deborah Hill Cone: Time to lose that follicle fixation

Opinion

There are very few things that I am confident I know a bit about. Transfer pricing, the temperament of Dalmatians, the early novels of Martin Amis, how to make a good Negroni. But one topic I feel sure I could give a scholarly lecture on - being of a Frida Kahlo-esque persuasion - is depilation of female facial hair. I know it's not really a topic for public consumption - certainly not in the business section - but this column is directed at only one person: Breakfast television presenter Paul Henry.

You, sir, are not an expert on this topic. The reason why it is common to sympathetically pretend not to notice facial hair on women is because it is actually not that easy to get rid of. So mocking someone for being hirsute is similar to pointing out someone has a weak chin or a hare lip. Getting rid of persistent facial hair is expensive, painful and time consuming. If you wax it or use chemical depilatories, you basically may as well shave every day like a man as it grows back just as stubbly - and you need to do it very frequently.

Electrolysis is very time consuming and if the hair is coarse, extremely painful. I think I got an endorphin high afterwards from the pain, which was lovely if you could pluck up the courage to go through the wretchedness week after week. The best method of hair removal is intense pulsed light (IPL) therapy which uses short bursts of light to vapourise hair shafts and the entire hair follicle. But it is very expensive. This is sounding like Dorothy Parker's poem: "Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live." So it is common to end up thinking you might as well just leave it.

At first, when Paul Henry made the comment about Stephanie Mills' facial hair I thought it was brave, in the manner of someone who is being authentic and not censoring what they say. There are altogether too many sensitive snowflakes around. But I am starting to think it is more destructive and sinister, especially since he has largely escaped censure. In its decision, the Broadcasting Standards Authority found Henry had breached fairness standards, but believed subsequent action by TVNZ, including an apology to Mills, was appropriate and it did not uphold the formal complaint. So it is okay to mock the bearded lady - or anyone who does not make a big effort to comply with society's strictures of what is "normal".

As journalists we know a bit about oddballs and the value of having people who don't fit in: the whistleblowers, the loonies with their boxes of documents and OCD.

I would have thought Paul Henry, who likes to portray himself as an eccentric, would appreciate this. But maybe he is not so much unique, as uniquely uptight. He certainly has some decidedly odd ideas about hygiene. "I hate buses. Hate public transport. I hate taxis. I hate thinking that other people's arses have slid over the seat that I'm about to slide on." This seems very odd for a former war reporter who reportedly has been "detained in Iraq, shot at in Cambodia, nearly lynched in the slums of Calcutta, threatened by the French Navy at Mururoa and shelled in Bosnia".

Did he take a white doily with him to put down in case he might catch something? Henry has been quoted as claiming he saved the lives of 21 people in Cambodia. Did he stop to check their personal grooming beforehand?

deborah@coneandco.com