KEY POINTS:
The mommy wars are back and - hate to break it to you, ladies - we can't win. France's Justice Minister, a plucky broad called Rachida Dati, was internationally bolloqued for returning to work five days after having a baby. French feminists called it a scandal and said she was like those shivering peasants of the 1920s who gave birth on the factory floor because they were scared of being fired.
But if Dati had stayed home in an oxytocin fug with her new bebe she would have been condemned for letting down the sisterhood by going soppy and spurning her job. Back home, there is the case of Katherine Rich, who might have been a Cabinet Minister now, but she gave up politics to spend time with her children.
Rich's decision to leave politics well and truly explodes the myth that women can have it all. This year my children are of an age where I could for the first time imagine going back to full-time work, not as a Cabinet Minister, obviously, but perhaps something a wee bit more challenging than the suburban-dress-shop option of freelancing.
But I am having a bit of a Betty Friedan moment. The feminist writer captured what she called "the problem with no name". She meant the terror suffered by being a hausfrau. But these days there is also the scary prospect of having an alter ego who is a walking dead corporate warrior princess. Neither option is particularly attractive.
Friedan said she had never once seen a positive female role model who worked and also kept a family. Don't you love the choice of "kept"? Terminology aside, 50 years later I would have to concur. Yes I know, there is that uber-role model Michelle Obama with her brilliant career. But remind me, how's that working for her now she is married to the most powerful man in the world? It's goneburger.
The shocking fact is that when you have children your status in the real world diminishes instantly, dramatically, permanently, irreversibly; no matter whether you do a Dati and try to slog on as if nothing has changed or if you try to overcompensate by mashing bananas whilst working your Blackberry.
Welcome to the damned-if-you-do- damned-if-you-don't epoch. Simply by having children it is as though you are no longer in the race.
Some women make up for this by wanting to win some other race instead, such as being a corporate wife. Good luck gals, but it's not really an option for me as I do not wear diamond jewellery. I don't wax, work out, make hors d'oeuvres or drive a European 4WD. Other women decide to be the alpha mummy in the echelons of Playcentre, where they mimic the dog-eat-dog environment of the corporate world but with the stakes now centred on peanut allergies, home made Play-Doh and hothousing. Whatever that is.
As a rule I don't believe in taking anything too seriously but the "I'm just a suburban mom" routine isn't working for me either. Until now I have got in first to put myself down, dismissing my scribblings as, "Oh, I do a bit of freelancing", the subtext being: now I have kids I don't expect to be taken seriously.
But there's a Mommy War on. Rally round.
deborah@coneandco.com
