Deborah Hill Cone: Corporate wives carry the load

Am I the only one that thought it was a bit odd that Sunday Star Times journalist Jonathan Marshall turned up to surprise disgraced finance company couple the Hotchins in Hawaii, and found Mark and Amanda "lying in each other's arms" by the pool? It didn't ring true to me. I'm as much of a romantic as the next person but lovey-dovey PDAs seem unlikely given how much pressure the couple are under.

I have been thinking a lot about the wives of "fallen" businessmen lately. Because the thing is, for every Amanda Hotchin there is a courageous woman who has had to pick up the shrivelled pieces of her so-called life and box on.

These are the women who sell their Roberto Cavalli wardrobes, make cut lunches for their kids who now go to state schools and reassure their demoralised husbands. That is, if their marriages survive. Others find their husbands have left for younger women because, as narcissists, they are desperate for a bit of adoration from a nubile who doesn't see their frailty.

These women are not Marie Antoinettes. One formerly high-flying friend of mine - let's call her Doris - told how she bumped into the wife of a failed property developer.

"She used to be a beautifully groomed tiny little blonde thing; now she couldn't afford Botox and her face has all changed. Her marriage hasn't survived and her husband is paying her hardly anything. She says, what can I do? I have only ever been a housewife." Doris has a lot of character and she will be okay. "I don't go to Euro and order 10 bottles of champagne anymore. I'm selling my house. I drive an old second-hand car. I don't care about keeping up appearances."

Another woman I know has sold her house, lives in a small apartment with her two children and has got a job. I admire her so much as she is always so cheerful despite her husband struggling to get work.

Oh, I know some women will read this and think: "Good job, rich bitches getting their comeuppance and what about Pacific Island cleaners in South Auckland who work two jobs?" To them I'd say, point taken. But remember, everything is relative. When you have had something and then it is taken away, it takes strength of character to adapt and get on with it; keep calm and carry on.

Some might actually feel liberated. Because even when the money was flowing doing the rich-wife job is no doddle either.

There is a price to be paid. You need to ignore the affairs and get a full head of highlights and have buns of steel and fulfil your end of the Faustian bargain.

Some of these women have actually been set free, if they could only see it. And the good ones will. They're the ones who will be thinking about their children.

It must have been deeply hideous for Mary Petricevich to open the paper last week and see a picture of the woman to whose business her husband allegedly made over $1 million in fraudulent payments, covered with Moet bottles. But imagine what it was like for his kids. One parent at St Kentigern said she worried that Mark Hotchin's children might be in physical danger at school. Frankly, I would prefer Amanda had her kids, rather than her husband, in her arms.

dhc@deborahhillcone.com