KEY POINTS:
Want to know a secret to get people on your side? From selling a million-dollar IT contract to getting a new client. From interviewing potential employees to motivating staff. From speaking in front of an audience or simply around the dinner table, to trying to get your children to do what you desire.
I learnt how to communicate more effectively years ago from a five-foot, one-inch ex-hairdresser by the name of Patricia Fripp. She is one of the top speech and sales presentation coaches in the United States.
Effective communication hinges on the connection you make with the people you are speaking with. You connect with people in two ways: intellectually and emotionally.
The intellectual connection is through what you say, and saying it in a structured, logical and organised manner, as opposed to jumping all over the place.
It is important to state the points you want to make and then give support to each statement. You can almost think of it as a bullet point list. Point 1, example A, B, C. Point 2, example A, B, C.
This logical progression of the information you want to get across encompasses your intellectual connection. Everyone does this, more or less.
It's the emotional connection that takes you from being average to the rock star of persuasion and sales. It's your delivery of what you are trying to communicate and how well you do it that makes the difference.
So how do you make an emotional connection? Three vital components:
Eye contact.
The correct I/you ratio.
Stories and how you tell them.
We can breeze over eye contact. But be sure about this if you're delivering information to a small group of people. Engage each individual. When you first start talking, speak the first sentence to one person. The second sentence is spoken to the second person and so on.
The I/you ratio is something every person gets dramatically wrong. I remember Patricia repeatedly saying, "You're not the hero." Everything you say must be from the listener's perspective to bring them into the point you're making. They care about themselves, not you.
Sales presentations of 10 slides should have nine about the prospect and one about you, instead of vice versa.
If you tell stories, they're not about your client, your wife, your children, your experiences. Turn it around to "Do you have a client like x?"; "Is there a woman in your life like Marg, my wife?"; "Have you ever been ..."; "Have you ever had a time in your life when ..."
Do you see how easily you could make the change from I to you?
The final component that makes you outstanding above all others is the stories you tell. However, it is not just what you tell, it's how you tell them that is of paramount importance.
We all tell stories. You probably have a repertoire you use. But to make your stories more memorable and persuasive, they must have three elements: flesh and blood characters, dialogue and dramatic impact.
I always thought to minimise detail so as not to bore people. This is a misconception. Details are what people remember, relate to. Specificity builds your credibility. If you use picture words, even better. Be succinctly descriptive. Striking women with raven black hair. Warm, blustery day.
Don't use a continual "he said, she said" as you tell the story. Relay it with dialogue. If you examine the best storytellers or comedians, you'll notice they use different voices and even act out a bit of the action as they tell the story.
Don't remember exactly what was said? No problem - recount it to your best memory, fill in a hole here and there. But still relate it as the conversation that occurred.
Finally, Hollywood it.
Your story doesn't have to start in the beginning and finish at the end. Look for the most dramatic part and start there for impact. Then fill in with back story. This grabs them and makes them want more.
"You saved us $1 million in eight months," Charles said. You might know someone like Charles. Ex-army officer. Precise. Medium height, salt-and-pepper hair cut closely, probably a number two. Middle-aged, he is now the facilities manager for the city council and runs a tight ship. When I first met him in June 2006 ...
To be more persuasive and memorable, ace the intellectual connection and go for the emotions.
You emotionally connect with your audience of 500 or one by having good eye contact, an I/you ratio that leaves you almost entirely out of the picture and good illustrative stories that get your point across.
Your stories go from good to fabulous when you make them come to life with characters, conversation and a dollop of drama.
Debbie Mayo-Smith is a best-selling author and international speaker.
www.debbiespeaks.co.nz
