KEY POINTS:
Want to know if the recession has hit home in New Zealand? Try the Leading Lipstick indicator. This is the theory that a consumer will turn to less-expensive indulgences, such as lipstick, when they are less certain of their economic future.
I presume they're only discussing female consumers in this model. Or maybe not.
During the Great Depression in the United States, cosmetic sales rose 25 per cent. In the post-September 11 downturn, US lipstick sales doubled.
Anecdotal evidence from New Zealand suggests cosmetic companies' sales - even of the high-end products - are steady. So I guess that means the effects of the recession are yet to be felt.
A less-authoritative study from a couple of geeks at a little-known US college says that in times of hardship Playboy's Playmates of the Year get chunkier.
The conclusion is men select women based on productive capabilities, rather than their reproductive possibilities, when things get tough.
Better to have a hewer and a hefter than a hottie in the house when work needs to be done. But let's face it, the definition of a chunky Playboy model is not the normal definition of chunky.
The variations would be millimetres, so I'm not sure we can take much stock from that.
What does seem authoritative is a list of the six most recession-proof jobs. Those in healthcare are sweet. In the US, healthcare jobs account for nearly half the 30 fastest-growing occupations.
Education is generally immune, and people working in energy, particularly alternative fuels, are likely to flourish. With green skills and knowledge of sustainability issues, you should be reused and recycled and not thrown on to the employment scrap heap.
Apparently, international business skills and a working knowledge of other languages will stand you in good stead.
And finally, demand for police officers and international security experts may rise as things turn to custard. What does that tell us say about human nature?
