Signed: Trying Here
Karla: With ever more transgender celebrities, colleagues and classmates seeking to claim their place, it's a great time to revisit this issue.
In federal agencies, the same rules apply to locker rooms as to bathrooms: Barbara is entitled to use the facility that aligns with her identity. Your employer can provide private spaces to dress and shower, but it can't confine Barbara to them. Barbara cannot legally be penalised for others' discomfort with her existence.
But "them's the rules" is like a hand towel: It doesn't quite cover everything.
While I empathise with your aversion to seeing penises in unexpected contexts, I'd ask you to please compare your concerns about what you might see with the concerns — backed by grim statistics — about what a transgender woman might encounter in a males-only space. Your right to comfort should not trump another's right to (relative) safety.
Barbara is just seeking what women have been fighting for forever: The right to be known for what's between her ears, not her legs. So I doubt she's eager to flaunt her anatomical non-comformity. But to head off any potential confrontations, is anyone close enough to discuss these concerns with Barbara? Could everyone agree to a "one-towel minimum" rule — for everyone's benefit?
I'm not saying you have to like Barbara. I know you're trying. And I know mentally connecting gender to genitals is a tenacious habit, even for those who think of man- or womanhood as being greater than the sum of one's private parts. But if the not-exactly-rainbow-draped Pentagon can commit to welcoming transgender personnel into its ranks, surely the rest of us can find a way.
Karla Miller writes an advice column on navigating the modern workplace. Each week she will answer one or two questions from readers.