It's difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on him not understanding it. - Upton Sinclair
If there's one thing that the pandemic has taught us, it's that it's not easy to have a polite, rational discussion about difficult subjects. "Oh yes, it is!""Oh no, it isn't!" "Fascist!" etc.
Unfortunately, in business, tough chats can't always be avoided. While there are those who are great at office diplomacy, for the more mediocre here are some suggestions that might smooth the path.
If you know you need to have a tough conversation with someone, the best thing to do is to get it over with. Don't procrastinate and think of spurious reasons to put it off, like waiting for a full moon with an "R" in the month. As with a visit to the dentist, the drawn-out anticipation is generally worse than the actuality.
Telling them over a drink
It seems like a good idea at the time: inviting the person who you need to put straight out for a friendly drink. Over the course of a litre of tequila, you can point out all their personal inadequacies and show them how to become a better person. Sadly, mixing alcohol and important conversations, while being a favoured way of communication since the Borgias, is fraught with peril. Problems include becoming overly friendly with the individual concerned and hugging them through tears of love thus rendering you incapable of delivering a single word of admonition; or being attacked with the empty tequila bottle because they thought they were there to get promoted. A cup of coffee is generally a better option. Probably a single shot.
What if your chat goes wrong?
Sometimes you sense from the set of the jaw, the clenching of the fists, and the spittle around the lips that things aren't going particularly well. However delicately you thought you made your point, it seems unlikely they will accept that they could be anything less than perfect. No, they are not going to go away to think about it overnight then return with a compromise, or even a conciliatory attitude. Instead, they will have an internal dialogue and agree wholeheartedly with themselves that they are right and that you are a malicious idiot who couldn't run a bath. Once you've discounted the fact that they might be right, just move on. While you're at it, see if you can move them on as well.
Worst time to have a chat
Unsurprisingly, I suggest you avoid Monday morning. Everyone hates Mondays because they're tired and busy catching up with all the stuff they didn't bother to finish on Friday. Avoid talking to anyone unless they're going on a coffee run.
This is contentious, but I think it's Friday afternoon when everyone is more relaxed. I know some think that this is bad form because you just ruined someone's weekend, but I disagree. A Friday chat allows proper time for reflection over the weekend and hopefully allows them to take it out on the cat, rather than their colleagues.
Paul Catmur experienced both sides of the awkward conversation between boss and worker during his career. Photo / Dan Max
Never fire anybody on your own
I think I've only actually fired a couple of people in my life. As someone who was supposedly in charge of an agency department for around 18 years, I'm not quite sure how I managed such a low figure. I'd like to think it was down to a good hiring technique and excellent man-management, but the more likely explanations are cowardice and selective memory loss. Anyway, retrenching employees these days is a legal snake pit designed to ensure that lawyers and HR departments keep their jobs even if everyone else loses theirs. Get someone in who knows what they're doing to try and prevent you from making an idiotic and potentially costly mistake: like telling the truth, for example.
What if it's you being fired?
I once had a summer job in a factory assembling solar panels. I was let go by the foreman on a "last-in first-out" basis. It didn't bother me much but incensed one of my more excitable colleagues: "He can't do that! We'll get him after lunch. I'll hold his arms; you punch him in the stomach." As satisfying as it can be, this belligerent approach to industrial relations is very much frowned on these days outside of organised crime organisations and political parties.
All it takes is a slap
Sometimes irritating and troublesome employees can be turned around with just a quiet talking to. I was working in a Bahamas casino when a boss pulled aside a croupier for dealing sloppily with a terrible attitude. The boss quietly suggested that if they didn't pull their finger out that they would be on the next plane back to the UK. The dealer immediately changed his attitude, got his head down, and became a model employee. That dealer was me.
(To be honest, I didn't actually become a model employee, but I sure looked like one whenever that boss was around.)
• Paul worked in advertising at a quite good level across New Zealand, the UK and Australia including co-founding an agency in Auckland. This is a series of articles about how to make the best out of maybe not being the best.
