Peter Bromhead: Green with envy? Not likely

Cartoon / Peter Bromhead

"So, what's changed in the corporate fit-out business over the years?" asked the enthusiastic reporter from an uppity interior design magazine, interviewing this weary old warhorse.

"Nothing much," I replied. "Trends come, trends go.

"Forty years ago we had red tape getting in the way of the construction process. Today, it's the same tape, re-dyed green."

"Ah," she replied. "You're talking about sustainability in the workplace and making informed decisions on environmentally preferable materials.

"Tell me, do you employ a 'green consultant' to handle these matters?"

"Ah," I sighed wistfully. "You mean the new breed of eco-consultant, preaching ecological performance and corporate social responsibility?"

"Do I detect a slight sneer in your voice?" murmured the reporter cautiously.

"Not at all," I responded. "But I don't engage anybody spouting sustainability metrics around a problematic agenda, because I employ other experts to cover the issues associated with my business."

"What sort of experts?" the interviewer asked.

"They're mainly called common sense," I replied.

"How does that solve eco-sustainability problems and can you give me an example?" the reporter continued.

"Well," I expanded, "some years ago - before the colour green was stuffed down everybody's throats as a panacea for consumer guilt - I modernised properties, putting the emphasis on insulation, double glazing and energy-saving lighting, rather than wasting money on superfluous décor trappings, as flaunted by the likes of your magazine as matters of consequence.

"Such programmes were driven by common sense because the returns offered a functional and economical value to the occupants.

"However, nobody sat around thinking this was going to help save the planet - it was simply about expenditure benefits."

"But the right décor is environmentally important, particularly for corporations, isn't it?" asked the reporter, anxiously.

"Of course, drab is out, white is in, with splashes of leaf green and orange - with the emphasis on amusing cafe décor and a mishmash of over-sized chairs," I replied.

"But nobody gives a toss about real workplace problems, like eyestrain, glare from white desktops or thrombosis clots from sitting in front of computers all day.

"The important thing is to superficially display a few props suggesting you're improving your ecological footprint, but few take a green paradigm seriously.

"If you want to check a corporation's 'ecological credentials' - start in the basement garage and count the number of oversized SUVs everybody's driving," I wearily concluded.