Dealing with a 'rough around the edges' co-worker

Often the troll at work turns out to have redeeming qualities or hidden struggles - or just isn't enough of an actual threat to be worth engaging. Photo / Thinkstock

Karla L. Miller writes an advice column on navigating the modern workplace.

Q: Recently a colleague was promoted to a managerial role. Her ability to interact professionally with colleagues leaves a lot to be desired. She recently used the term "motherf---er!" in an email to express her disappointment. Upper management was included on this email but did not seem fazed. I'm no prude, but when did it become appropriate to use this language in a professional email?

A: I actually consider it a sign of progress that management didn't admonish her to be more "ladylike." Incidentally, are you guys hiring?

I'm sure you know there's nothing professional about profanity. But it's often tolerated or dismissed when it comes from high-performing or "intense" workers.

If expletives are aimed directly at you, you're entitled to respond with a calm, "I know you're upset, but there's no need for that." If you just generally disapprove of this colleague, you can rest assured that management noticed - even if nothing was said to her - and may be questioning whether she can be trusted to mind her M's and F's around clients.

Q: I'm a new employee. The office environment is great, but I have one co-worker I would label as toxic. She can be extremely nice one minute and rude and snarky another. Recently she belittled me within earshot of everyone in a meeting room for not knowing how to do something. Nobody acknowledged her comments, but I was embarrassed and immediately mentioned the situation to my boss after the meeting.

He told me that she was "rough around the edges" and made me feel as if I should just accept this behaviour. I don't want to find out how bad her attitude can actually be, but I don't want to walk on eggshells around her, either. Can you recommend a quick comeback that would warn her to lay off, or should I follow another plan of action?

A: As much fun as it is to fantasize about verbally smiting jerks at work, I usually end up being glad I kept my tongue sheathed. Often the troll turns out to have redeeming qualities or hidden struggles - or just isn't enough of an actual threat to be worth engaging.

Your boss' "rough around the edges" reply tells me he's aware of her tendencies and doesn't take her judgments of others seriously. That's not to say you should roll over and accept being bullied - just that you should observe a bit longer.

Is this colleague a generally good person who struggles with appropriate social interaction, or does she turn vicious on a whim? Does she lash out at everyone, or select targets? The former merits a mild response - say, an airy, "Oh my stars, you'd be amazed at all the things I don't know!" The latter may require firm boundaries - a cold "Are you through?" - and words with management and HR.

Miller has written for and edited tax publications for 16 years, most recently for the accounting firm KPMG's Washington National Tax office. On Twitter: @KarlaAtWork.