Career decision belongs to your children

Parental advice must not override the child's wishes. Photo / Getty Images

Teens feel pressure to please parents with job choices, but adults must resist temptation to impose their own dreams.

The story goes that as a young child, the six-times Kiwi world speedway champion Ivan Mauger pestered his mother with, "I'll be world champion one day, won't I mum?"

Every time, and without too much thought, his mum would lovingly reply, "sure you will son".

This illustrates something important: First, don't squash youthful dreams with a default position of know-it-all negativity. Second, respect your child's career choice, even if it seems likely to evolve. Because though it's fine to suggest career choices, it's wrong to impose them, especially your own unfulfilled career dreams.

Research underlines that what we say to our children regarding future careers is of primary importance.

For many young people, career decisions don't fall between, say, science or design, but between parental approval and their passions.

However, that's not to say our support and insights aren't vital; obviously we know our children well.

Each year 160,000 Year 10-12 students make decisions, such as where and what to study and what they want to achieve in life.

Some youngsters making these decisions aren't used to looking far beyond next weekend. And though millennials appear to have increased freedom in their career choices, as parents we underestimate their inherent longing to make us proud.

For that reason, we're not to steer them in the direction of our choosing. We do better to listen to hopes and ideas, helping children to obtain useful information on what interests them and providing opportunities, such as by meeting people in fields that may appeal.

Now my children have completed their tertiary years, I'm astonished how well they've done despite my input. I was either too negative about this or that career idea, or didn't take much interest.

There was more in my kids than I gave them credit for; they've done fine. But if I had those conversations again, I'd be much more positive and pay closer attention.

Secondary Principals Association president Sandy Pasley has seen a lot of parents like me. She urges parents to keep career conversations upbeat, pointing out that, when it comes to the challenge of finding a job, there's enough fear already.

"I see every reason to be positive," she said. "I think that as parents we're inclined to mainly see traditional career options, but the working world has changed since we were young, and not in bad ways.

"Thanks to the speed of technological change, additional career prospects are opening up, so it probably pays to get some professional careers advice."

Mrs Pasley, who is principal of Baradene College, says choices regarding courses or tertiary training can be overwhelming. She recommends visits to work sites while at school, and online aptitude tests.

"Parents can assist by pointing out their child's strengths, arranging for them to meet and to converse with people in the kind of jobs they're interested in. I also like holiday or part-time jobs. So long as they don't disrupt study, they teach lessons about working, even if it's just what you don't want to do."

Talking to Mum and Dad

AUT journalism student Jordayna Brewer asked her peers about their parents' involvement in their career choices

• Marko Mitrovic, 16, says his parents have always supported and encouraged him to aim for what he loves.

"At the moment that's architecture - I'm really passionate about that. My mum buys me magazines on architecture ...

"She has taken me to see a couple of her friends that work in architecture and they've taken me around their firms. It really helps to get a clear picture of the profession. They would support me in whatever, they are open-minded.

• Ollie Jones , 16 - "My parents don't talk to me about careers that much. Dad gives me advice about what kind of career paths you can go on to from different subjects.
People that are more honest are mates who say, 'you're not good enough to make it down that career path'."

• Lydia McGlashan, second year engineering, 19 - "Mum was really helpful about it because all through Year 13 I didn't know what on earth I wanted to do and it was getting really stressful.

"I really liked the subjects around engineering but I thought it would be too hard. When she told me she thought I should do it, that made me realise that I could do it. She was kind of the switch that flicked me over.

"I do remember when I was Year 11 and talking with Dad about what I should do. I mentioned engineering could be quite good. Dad was like 'yeah that would be a good job but a lot of hard work'. That put me off to begin with, totally unintentional I'm sure."