"But they [managers] often only know the icing on the top layer. They don't know the challenges you've been under.
"When you promote yourself it's just saying this is what you've asked me to do, this is what we achieved, this is why."
Research from economics professor Linda Babcock found women are four times less likely to ask for a pay raise and, when they do, they ask for 30 per cent less.
Sumner has three rules to help you get the pay raise. But don't just focus on salary as that's not always possible, she said. You can also negotiate leave, flexibility, what projects you're given and training.
Her concept, the three-way win, is about how your work benefits yourself, your manager and the organisation. This is how you should discuss your performance.
• Preparation - what were your KPI [key performance indicators] and how did you meet them? If you didn't meet them why not? Let them know your challenges and resourcing issues.
• Warm it up - you should have regular meetings with your direct managers. In these meeting they need to be "primed". Let them know what you're achieving and how that benefits you, your manager and the organisation. Tell them if you get a job offer from someone else and let them know you're expecting a bonus.
• Research - look into what your role is worth, where it can go and what other companies are offering.
• Know your boss - Understand your boss' communication technique and what they value in staff. This will steer the best way to discuss your achievements with them.
• Silence - Tell them what you have done and say "this is what I believe I am worth" then fall silent. Don't fill up the space with nervous justification.
Men's and women's brains are hardwired differently, and we should play to these natural differences rather than try to hide them, Sumner said.
"Women are often told to do a man's version of business. It simply doesn't work for women. They get backlash, they get feedback that they're pushy or aggressive when they promote like a man.
"Women are better at relationships and understanding how multiple variables impact on one decision and are better at forming teams ... and women rock.
"Companies with more females in management benefit from improved financial performance, higher staff engagement and moral, brand recognition, higher staff retention and better customer intimacy."
Other tips
•Find an advocate - someone who shares your values and goals and will fight for you when you're not in the room. They can be a source of support in work and will back you for a pay rise.
•Ask for regular meetings - these give you time and space to show what you have accomplished. If you don't tell anyone your manager won't know.
•Take compliments - when you receive positive feedback say thank you, ask if you can share it or if they will post it to your LinkedIn.
•Shed the blame - when something doesn't go to plan come up with five reasons that it's not your fault. This helps reduce wasted time worrying.
•Deal with feedback - aim for 75 per cent positive feedback. Don't waste energy worrying on small negatives.
