Craig Cooper: Come on Auckland, really?

Opinion

I like Auckland.

But it's like what I imagine dating a Kardashian would be like.

A bit of fun for 24 or 48 hours, then it starts to drive you nuts.

Yep, if Auckland was a pizza, I couldn't eat a whole one.

Besides, it would be cold by the time the poor delivery person on minimum wage and a dodgy scooter made it through the traffic.

Traffic on a network that seems to have been designed on the back of a beer napkin in a pub by a drunk roading engineer in 1870-something.

I wonder what a beer would have cost in the 1870s? Two whale teeth and a musket ball?

It sure as hell wouldn't have been $15 for a pint.

Come on Auckland, really? Is it special beer?

No, because Wellington's craft beer industry have got one over you there, and they don't charge $15 a pint. And if you do pay $15, your beer comes with food as well. And a smile.

And you're probably staying in a motel room that actually cost less on Trivago than what the hotel reception would sell it to you for. That's right, less.

I'll pay $15 for your beer, but only if I can onsell it on the same day for $30, without the original owner finding out, and then spend the $30 on something worthwhile, like 10 minutes parking in Queen St.

$15? Don't tell me it's because commercial rental space in Auckland is expensive and you need to pass on the cost. If that's so, how come I can pay less for a coffee in Auckland than I do in Northland. Or Tauranga? Yes that's right, I'm a provincial oik, laughing all the way into my less than $15 beer.

The people who need to drink that pint of beer are doing so to escape the trauma of the Auckland real-estate market. They don't need your $15 beer making them feel worse.
Sorry, but for the price of three Auckland beers I can buy myself a Grabaseat to Wellington.

Cheers Auckland, cheers.

- Craig Cooper is the editor of the Northern Advocate