KEY POINTS:
"I'm half cut," announces 60-something Doreen, from Stamford, Lincolnshire, as she saunters along Princes Wharf with a party of other English travellers.
It's Doreen's birthday and she and husband Paul Wright have been led astray by Clifford and Janet Fernandes, friends from the Oriana.
A planned afternoon's shopping in Queen St took a detour on this sultry afternoon. "We've been drinking in the Viaduct," she beams.
"It's a lovely country - a beautiful place," chimes in Clifford. "I wish we had more time here."
She says: "He's been plying us with drink."
But you can't get into too much trouble in a foreign port when your ship gets in at 8am and sails at 10pm.
While many of the Oriana's 1800 passengers were whisked out of town with military precision on all-day coach tours on Tuesday, the Wright party preferred to do their own thing.
"We spoke to crew who come here regularly and they advised us where to go," says Doreen.
They did catch a "city orientation" bus tour in the morning which, she says, was "a bit disappointing because all we did was go around houses, the museum and the Tower. I didn't go up because I'm scared of heights."
The Oriana's 14-hour stay came midway through a record-breaking week for cruise ship visits to Auckland: 10 ships coming and going between last Saturday and today's visit of the biggest of all, the Queen Mary 2.
In eight days, 23,000 passengers and crew have traipsed on and off Princes Wharf and Queens Wharf. Some flew in to join a cruise in Auckland and had a couple of days to kill. Others left their ship here and headed straight to the airport.
It's estimated they spent about $5 million on accommodation, shopping, eating, drinking and seeing the sights. On top of that, a portion of the cruise company spend on berthage charges, refuelling, airfares and fresh produce stays here.
Ship visits and the number of passengers they bring have trebled in 10 years. Last season, nearly 100,000 passengers and crew visited New Zealand between November and early-winter. Although numbers this year are similar, next season, with 66 mainly large liners booked already, visitors could top 150,000, the majority stopping in Auckland.
It's big business but is Auckland making the best of it?
Typically, more than half the passengers see little of the city, taking package tours to Rotorua, the Waitomo Caves or the Bay of Islands. They berth, board a coach, and get back in time for evening sailing. It's a hermetically-sealed operation which suits the mostly elderly clientele - cruise companies contract to ground operators, such as ID Tours, which subcontract to luxury coach firms and vet destinations.
But cruise-passenger demographics are getting younger and a growing proportion, known as free independents, would rather look after themselves.
These boatpeople are not hard to spot - they're a certain age and most carry the burden of shipboard banqueting. For emphasis, they wear bad shorts - the British in checks or neutrals; the Americans somewhat louder. At least the Germans and Japanese cover up a bit more.
They travel in small herds and Aucklanders feel sorry for them, wandering dazed and bemused along Queen St's liquorice allsorts shopping strip, dodging road works or searching for the casino. What must they think? They are, in fact, happy as.
"It's very good shopping - on a par with Britain," say Ken and Cynthia Sheppard, from Neath, Wales. "We were surprised really."
Retailers welcome the extra foot traffic - but are far from overwhelmed by it. "We do notice more people coming in but they are more interested in sightseeing than shopping," says Claire Stewart of Trelise Cooper's Quay St store.
Few find their way to High St and Chancery. "The cruise ships have a huge impact on our Wellington store but we get fewer people up here," says the store manager at one upmarket boutique. "Queen St is the main walk - they just don't know we're here."
Restaurants and cafes miss the boat because many passengers return to the ship for lunch and dinner which they've paid for in their package. Some like the local flavours however, like the one at Soul telling the waitress that he wants his whitebait cooked but without fritter.
In contrast, the Metro Xpress cafe on lower Albert St orders extra pies when a British boat is coming.
"Americans get their cold drinks and sweets and they are out of here," says part-owner Joseph Terry. "When the English come in they have their pies and their muffins with butter. They miss their pies on the ship."
Terry has just returned from 26 years in the hospitality trade in Europe and says Auckland needs to clean up its act.
The ships berth early and passengers often stumble across evidence of downtown nightlife, including broken bottles and vomit. "We should have a programme so that the cleaners are up at three in the morning - it's quite a mess in the mornings here.
"We are opening our back door instead of our front door to the world."
This week's invasion, coinciding with Chinese New Year and the peak of the visitor season, has stretched the country's tourism infrastructure to breaking point. Bus and Coach Association executive director John Collyns says not one tour bus was free on Thursday and Friday.
Hotel beds too are scarce - about half the 67,000 passengers who visited New Zealand last season were starting their cruise here and spent one to three nights in hotels.
Although it's a seasonal problem, Auckland doesn't seem to be pushing the boat out to make the visitors' brief encounter memorable - and make them come back.
"New Zealand has done a very nice job of promoting itself as a country to come to but [visitors] may have very little knowledge of what Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch or Dunedin have to offer," says Alvin Materi, of ground operator ATS Pacific.
At Auckland, many passengers are happy to take the cruise company deal, but a Tourism Auckland rep meets each boat to explain what else is on offer. However, many rely on tips from the crew or internet research.
City sights coach tours and Kelly Tarlton's are ever-popular, says Materi, but the array of options is expanding. The west coast's black-sand beaches, the gannet colony at Muriwai and a kauri forest visit are all in demand with younger passengers.
A two-hour sail on an America's Cup boat entices many on to the harbour, despite the $135 price tag; others prefer a classic yacht or a ferry to Devonport - but Hauraki Gulf islands are too far for most.
Mission Bay, Newmarket and Parnell are also on the tourist trail.
For Roy Cutler, of Hitchin, north of London, a helicopter ride from Mechanic's Bay was a great introduction to the city, with a follow-up visit to the Sky Tower before returning to the ship early afternoon. "I just came back to change my shoes _ they're killing me. My wife and sister are still shopping - I've had enough. I'm hoping to visit Kelly Tarlton's in the afternoon."
Passengers spilling off the ship after lunch are ably marshalled by Kevin Morrissey, of ID Tours. Those clutching tickets are pointed to their coach; others wanting to shop are directed towards Queen St, Parnell or Devonport. "The best way to Kelly Tarlton's is by taxi from the end of the wharf," he tells a beer-bellied Londoner sporting a Union Jack T-shirt, "and there's a nice pub opposite." The visitor fairly bursts with anticipation.
But there's not a lot to guide the free independents leaving Princes Wharf on foot. Most miss the Tourism Auckland Travel Centre in a corner of the old harbour board building. The 360 Discovery kiosk on Quay St promotes Kawau Kat ferries but not its rivals. Few are aware that the easiest way to Queen St is through the Downtown Mall.
It's a far cry from Australian cities such as Adelaide and Melbourne, where knowledgeable guides take visitors on city walks showcasing heritage and places of interest.
But increasingly, the intrepid are getting beyond the familiar sights and niche tour operators are emerging. Pacific Journeys tailors tours to suit small groups seeking "real New Zealand" experiences, says managing director Julian Barton.
Last week, the classic launch Lady Gay took a party of 19 to Rangitoto, and a smaller group spent a half day on Mt Eden.
Today, a group on the Queen Mary 2 is off to Ayrlies Garden at Whitford before lunching at Harbourside.
"We have upscale clients looking for tourism with a difference," says Barton. "We're keen to showcase the city in a different way.
What tourists want varies greatly from line to line and ship to ship, he says. "They're all a little different."
"With small groups you can get some really good stuff off the ground but the logistics are blown out with bigger numbers."
Passengers the Weekend Herald encountered were impressed with Auckland, but there's no doubt we could do better, says Alex Swney, of Heart of the City.
"There are fleets of buses taking them to Rotorua and Taupo. The real challenge is to offer them something distinctive here. If you've only got 24 hours you have to look at a unique proposition.
"In terms of amenities you'd have to say we do underperform."
On Wednesday and yesterday, with two ships in town, passengers on the Asuka II and Statendam disembarked on Queen's Wharf through Cargo Shed 10, dressed-up from its usual role of banana storage.
Once through Customs, they dragged luggage trolleys to Quay St against a backdrop of imported cars, trucks and shiny orange forklifts. Very South Pacific.
Over on Princes Wharf, the international passenger terminal behind the Hilton Hotel has access and egress problems of its own.
Yesterday morning was carnage as embarking passengers with luggage queued for 70m one way and disembarking passengers queued the other, forlornly awaiting taxis. A total of 8000 passengers and crew embarked and disembarked from the Sapphire Princess on Princes Wharf and the Statendam at Queen's.
"It's getting to the point where Auckland needs a fulltime, purpose-built cruise ship terminal," says ID Tours' director Jeremy Palmer. "A dual-purpose facility that's part of a hotel is not ideal."
The ground operator which employs 12 staff had 200 on deck yesterday.
"Normally, things work pretty well but having two ships in town strains our infrastructure _ are their enough taxis, trolleys, luggage trucks and space at the airport for disembarking passengers? Some sort of visitor kiosk and a purpose-built terminal would help."
LIKE the oceans, the cruise ship market rises and falls, says Tourism NZ spokeswoman Cas Carter.
Americans, in particular, have been staying at home because of terrorism fears but view New Zealand and the South Pacific as relatively safe.
"Different parts of the world become trendy for different amounts of time," she says. "At the moment, New Zealand is a popular place to come."
But Carter's caution contrasts with an economic impact assessment for Cruise NZ trumpeting a 400 per cent increase in worldwide passenger numbers in the past 20 years.
By 2010, cruise ships are predicted to carry 17 million passengers. And the market's getting younger.
Officially, little is known of what passengers do here or what they make of the place. Cruise NZ and regional tourism agencies are surveying passengers this summer for the first time. The online survey includes the lure of a 10-day return trip to New Zealand. Judging by the Weekend Herald's research, that's an offer most would jump ship for.
