Peter Nowak: Gather round, kids, for a tale from Brother Grim

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Middle Narnia, there lived a humble man named Tom*.

He was a lowly serf in service to the Queen, working on an orchard growing plums for her subjects.

There wasn't anything special about Tom's plums, but he was the only one allowed to grow them. They soon became a necessary part of every peasant's meals, for Middle Narnia was a very isolated kingdom indeed and the people were tired of mutton.

For breakfast, they ate plum tarts, and for lunch it was plum pie, and for dinner, plum cake. The people were happy, and had good eyesight and high levels of iron.

It wasn't long before Tom's plums were noticed elsewhere. A group of nobles in the distant kingdom of Yankerania thought there was a future in plums, so they bought Tom's freedom - and a large stake in his business - from the Queen with many gold florins.

Tom was free and quickly grew rich from his plums, for he was still the only one allowed to grow them, and he repaid the nobles their florins many times over. Everyone was happy.

But Tom grew suspicious. He suspected other farmers would try to steal his plums, and perhaps sell them for less or somehow improve their flavour and juicyness. So he built a wall round his orchard so that no one could get at them.

Tom also noticed that farmers in neighbouring kingdoms were earning many florins from selling prunes.

"Alack! What an easy task," cried Tom, so he set upon drying his plums.

The Queen's subjects gobbled up the prunes, for they were smaller and more portable than plums, and even agreed to pay whatever Tom wanted for them. Tom grew even more rich, and the people were regular and had high levels of beta-carotene.

But again, Tom's prunes were noticed elsewhere. This time, the nobles in the faraway kingdom of Great Pommyland decided they could also make many florins from prunes in Middle Narnia. So they sent a man called Harry the Red to the kingdom with a boatful of them.

Harry spoke funny and wasn't very good at rugby, but the people were happy to see him because they thought he would sell his prunes for less than Tom. Tom was very worried.

But it didn't turn out that way. Harry's prunes were just as expensive as Tom's, and he became just as rich. He even built a wall round his own orchard.

Tom relaxed, and sometimes even had Harry over to feast and make merry, tippling tankards of mead all night. Drunkenly, they would laugh and talk about how they would keep other prune-growers away.

Tom began to grow fat and mean and ugly. He grew ever more suspicious and built the wall round his orchard higher and higher. Some of the peasants feared he was turning into an ogre.

Tom began growing nectarines, and the people loved them. They ate nectarine tarts, pies and cakes, and had good levels of vitamin A.

He also started growing peaches, which are bigger and juicier than nectarines, but the people didn't want them because they were too expensive and not quite juicy enough.

Some growers petitioned the Queen, saying they could sell the peaches for fewer florins, and so provide the people with better dietary fibre. All she had to do was order Tom to tear down his wall so they could bring their carts into his orchard.

The Queen agreed, but changed her mind after Tom sent her a secret parchment that said:

"Lo, your fair Highness - if thou offereth myne goods to myne competitors, I shall hath no choice but to stoppeth the growing of the fruit altogether. Plus, the nobles of Yankerania shall be quite cross with thee."

Tom tried many tricks to get the people to eat the fruit, but they weren't interested. All they wanted was the peaches to be juicier and cost fewer florins, but Tom would not hear of it. He was convinced they didn't want peaches because they were so happy with nectarines.

The Queen finally became frustrated with Tom - it was shameful, after all, that peasants in every other kingdom were enjoying peaches by the bushel.

So she sent dashing and baby-faced knight Sir Lanceliffe to knock down Tom's wall. Tom fought and fought, but Lanceliffe was determined and succeeded in destroying the wall.

The other growers rejoiced and brought their carts in. Before long, the land was full of cheap and juicy peaches and the people forgot all about plums and nectarines.

Tom had no new ideas, so the Yankerania nobles deserted him in favour of smarter growers. Tom was an ogre after all, and ogres aren't known for their creativity.

The peasants, relieved that they no longer had to buy fruit from an ogre, also deserted him.

Tom still had his prunes, because they were just too tasty for the people to give up, but the Queen wanted those for fewer florins as well.

In the end, Tom retreated to a damp and dark cave, where he spent his remaining days cold and alone.

The moral of this story, gentle reader, is that if you build a wall round your plums, someone is eventually going to kick you in them.

* Tom could be construed as an allegory for a large corporation, perhaps in the business of selling telecommunications.