"Mommy porn" - it's more emetic than erotic.
I don't know quite what message I was supposed to take from it, but before she left to go on holiday the 20-something babysitter flicked me a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, the latest superstar of the publishing world.
The story, such as it is, revolves around a supposedly innocent young woman who spends so much time with her nose in Jane Eyre that she is completely blindsided when preyed upon by an older, very rich man and rapidly becomes his willing partner in sado-masochistic adventures.
The Fifty series has sold 10 million copies and is breaking all sorts of records. It has also cleaved an entirely new genre known as "mommy porn" - as "mommies" by the million sign up to learn how to be gagged, tied up and whipped with riding crops as a result of ploughing through it. You know, between changing dirty nappies and helping with maths homework.
I don't think I'm a prude but there's something about mass-market S&M that seems not just retrograde but stomach-turning. And that's not the only thing that's rum about Fifty Shades of Grey; the other thing is that the book itself is absolute pants.