When the phone rings and the display says "private" it can mean one of two things.
Our dear friends on St John's Hill are calling to catch up or there will be a long pause and a voice of foreign extraction will start to tell me that there is a "problem with my PC".
Nine times out of 10 this is an opportunity for hilarity as more often than not I switch into "improv" mode (from a number of years in '90s theatresports) and adopt different identities and characters to basically 'mess with' the caller on the other line. Some of my favourites include:
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•Telling the caller that I have lost my computer in my house and getting him / her to help me find it
•Going through all of their 'steps' and declaring 'thank you, my VHS player now works'
•Impersonating the Liam Neeson character from the movie Taken.
•Giving the phone to the dog
•Resting the phone next to the TV and putting on Breaking Bad's "Say my name" scene
•Finally (and best of all) getting right to the end and saying "I don't have a credit card or bank account, I have cash under my mattress"