A dim night hobnobbing it with Queen Bee and me

By John Armstrong

It was the invitation to die for. And dine out on. Din-dins with Bill and Jenny, Mr Jiang from China and all the other shakers and movers of Asia-Pacific politics.

The apex of Apec. The Big One. The leaders' dinner in the Auckland Town Hall. The numero uno social function in a weekend chocker with posh nosh.

The invitation arrived in a silver envelope: Black tie or national dress. And no loud-hailers, thank you very much.

No one on the top table (super-comfortable lounge chairs, of course) wanted a repeat of Al Gore's embarrassing "megaphone diplomacy" in Kuala Lumpur last year, when he got offside with most of Asia by lecturing Malaysia's crotchety Dr Mahathir.

Any such naughty talk was avoided last night with a no-speech rule. And with all those security guys holding up the walls, no one was itching to try it on.

Whoever was cheeky enough to stick sheep-meat on the menu must have gulped when the cellphones started to ring as it was being served - and the Americans, their leader included, headed for a side door.

They were soon back (lamb didn't seem to be the problem), looking cheerful enough. Still, we can't tell you whether Bill Clinton choked on chargrilled loin of Manawatu lamb on a puree of golden kumara, asparagus tips, fennel and mint oil. We can't even tell you whether his face puckered at the Pegasus Bay chardonnay or the Palliser Estate pinot noir.

Not surprisingly, the media table (ordinary chairs, of course) was as far away as possible. For a decent geek, you would have needed to stand on your common chair with a telescope, and even then it would have been tough: a continuous laser-light show meant the lighting couldn't have been dimmer.

At one stage, I thought I saw Mr Clinton heading my way - only to be disappointed as Max Bradford came into focus.

But for the politicians, the officials, the captains of industry and the heroes (Sir Edmund Hillary and Sir Peter Blake, of course), the night was all top shelf. Diplomatically speaking, it was jolly nice, too - right down to the informal table-hopping and the National Youth Orchestra.

At the centre of it all, Queen Bee Shipley was looking particularly impressive. We can't describe exactly what she was wearing, but it had plenty of veils. Perhaps it's the sort of thing that grows on you.

She was certainly making the most of it. Having hobnobbed to high heaven over the past few days, she knows she'll be back in Wellington very soon - and back to Earth.