Words of warning

Many parents are tongue-tied when they must explain to their children that some adults should be avoided. Edward Rooney reports.
Helen Wadsworth stands at the kitchen counter as her two children sit on high stools for an afternoon snack. Rosie, 6, munches on a slice of apple while Matthew, 2, asks for more "bits'' of broken biscuits.
Like every parent, this Avondale mum worries about  children's safety in a world where not every adult has the best intentions. And, like most parents, she has struggled to find the right words to caution them.
"It's something that's quite difficult to raise with your kids, so you tend to put it off,'' she says. "You put it to the back of your mind and tell yourself it's not important. But the day I finally did talk to Rosie about who could touch her bottom, I found it wasn't difficult at all and I felt so much better knowing I had done something to protect her.''
Through a friend of a friend, Helen has seen a preview of a new resource that Home and Family Counselling will launch next month.
Freely available on the internet, it's an aid for parents of kids aged 2 to 8 who are unsure of how to broach the subject of adults who want to harm children.
Author Anya Godwin, who has been a counsellor for eight years, says there is a clear need to update the language used to warn children. The language used in most available resources is years, sometimes decades, old. The term "stranger danger'', for instance, was first coined in a British Public Service film for schools in 1973.
"I do believe the stranger danger message is outdated,'' Anya says, "not least because research has long since shown that children are much more at risk from someone that knows them. It's a good thing to know but it's not really adequate.''
Anya says important messages need to be conveyed in ways children can comprehend. "A 2-year-old, for instance, can be told, 'This is your bottom and we don't play games with our bottoms'.'' Hence the name of the e-book, Say No To Bottom Games.
Anya says her book will probably need to be revised over time as language changes again. "If you look at 20 years ago, no one would have used the word 'paedophile' but now I believe the word should be used and explained to children at the age of 8 or 9. That may be controversial but I do believe that forewarned is forearmed.''
Anya also hopes the messages in her book will be delivered to children without undue alarm. "It's important to have these chats as part of normal conversations, rather than in a panicked or frightening manner.''
The bottom line
Say No to Bottom Games is being launched by Home and Family Counselling for Counselling Awareness Week (May 9-15). Readers may log on to: www.homeandfamily.org.nz and sign up to place advance orders to receive a free copy of this e-book after May 9.