Dawn and George McMillan have celebrated 70 years of marriage. Photo / Alan Gibson
It was a hot day at a Te Awamutu Baptist church on February 2, 1952.
Dawn McMillan was wearing a "lovely" pale-pink gown. The same gown her daughter would later wear at her own wedding, and the one her granddaughter, too, is dying to wear.
Seventy years later, of everything she remembers of her wedding day, it is the intense itching under her freshly shaved armpits that is etched into her memory.
On Wednesday last week, Dawn, 90, and George McMillan, 92, celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary.
The pair initially grew close because they were both working in a dairy factory founded by Dawn's grandfather. George made butter and Dawn worked in the office.
Now in Copper Crest Retirement Village in Pyes Pā, their playful banter hasn't faltered as George jokes he married into money - Dawn had earned £10 a week while he earned £3 at the factory.
"In those days I was a very shy guy and I saw this beautiful blonde girl, she used to come into the factory to get the butter to put with their morning and afternoon teas.
"I thought, I'm going to ask that girl out, and it took me weeks and weeks," he said.
One day she came to get the butter from the cooler and he spotted his chance.
"I put the proposition out to her; what about coming out with me?
"She nearly fell into the butter," he said, and laughed.
They dated for about three years before they married.
They had two children; their daughter died at 48 while their son lives in Australia and they're in regular contact with him.
They also have five grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren, all in Australia.
They've lived everywhere from Whangārei to Christchurch and in between, and retired in Tauranga 35 years ago.
They say that their personalities complement each other with Dawn the quieter one and George a bit more outgoing, with mutual respect for their differences.
They don't always agree, but they agree on the big things and worked to see everything from the other's perspective.
One of the secrets to their lasting relationship was discipline, and the other was realising their differences were often too small to even acknowledge, they say.
"It's small things in life that people have problems over," he says.
"You get to our stage in life and you look back at those things that might've upset you but they don't mean anything. We understand that the little things aren't the big picture."
Another big aspect to their successful marriage, George believed, was growing up in loving, caring and stable homes.
"That's what sets your life up. If you've got that home life for a start, how do you miss on living?"
As for Valentine's Day, they don't have anything planned but were excited to celebrate their milestone a couple of weeks beforehand with friends at the village.
Valentine's Day is one of the biggest days of the year for Rotorua's Ems Flowergirls owner Emily Stevens, who says flowers, chocolates, teddies and candles never go amiss and always fly off the shelves about this time of year.
For those unsure what to get, there is a range from traditional roses, bright bunches, and the increasingly popular dried flowers, which can be kept for years.
Stevens said she had also seen an increase in the number of friends buying flowers for each other at this time.
Others were moving away from tradition in other ways, like buying a bunch for a mum in her first year without her husband.
Karen Bird - who works in Mount Maunganui's adult store A Tease - said a sex toy could take things to another level for couples.
"As a couple, it's about being comfortable with each other."
She said while there was a small increase in people coming in for Valentine's Day, there were a lot of people that went in to get toys as partners regardless of the holiday.
And there isn't a right or wrong gift to get.
It can be more romantic, like massage oil, lingerie, couples toys and candles, or things that were more for a laugh, like the naughty and nice calendars.
There was something for everyone and prices for every budget, she said.
The Satisfyer range was reasonably priced and popular, with its popularity skyrocketing after the Satisfyer Pro was released, she says.
Kegel balls were also a hot-ticket item, she said, that helped strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.
Bay of Plenty clinical psychologist Dale Davidson said there was no right or wrong way to celebrate Valentine's Day - the main thing was to know what was important and special in the relationship.
This is a two-way process, he explained, with communication the key.
"While Valentine's Day is a socially constructed occasion, plugging emotionally into our relationships throughout the year will provide the nurturance relationships require."
Expressing love can look different and depend on what your partner needs to feel validated, loved and appreciated.
Knowing your partner's love language - either gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time or affection - helps.
Davidson said emotional connectedness helped show, over time, what each couple needed, and this may change a lot as the relationship grew.
Compatibility also doesn't mean couples need to be alike, but rather they accept their similarities and differences, and there's flexibility and respect in how they manage their relationship.
Knowing how to communicate and tolerating conflict was also key.
"Healthy couples know how to argue and equally know how to repair conflict, as no relationship is perfect."
A common theme in relationship breakdowns is a lack of needs being met leading to emotional disconnect, which has the other feeling lonely, dissatisfied, and rejected.
Keeping things exciting, spontaneous and creating experiences to grow and learn more about each other is a way to "keep the flame burning".
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