Suicide: 'We never talked about it'

SUPPORT: Toni Redstone wants suicide to be talked about more openly in the hope it can prevent other families from going through what hers has experienced. The Redstones still grieve the loss of their son and brother George Redstone (pictured), 16.PHOTO/STEPHEN PARKER

Suicide should be talked about more openly in schools and the community to prevent others from going through the same grief Tony Redstone's family have experienced, he says.

The Rotorua father lost his 16-year-old son George to suicide on January 15, 2013, the date is etched in his memory.

Mr Redstone and his daughter Toni, 21, want others to know their story and for people who are having suicidal thoughts to get the help they need.

Statistics released by Justice Minister Amy Adams to New Zealand First leader Winston Peters revealed that, in the 12 months to May this year, there had been 569 suspected suicides in New Zealand.

This was the highest number of suspected suicides in the country since the coroner began publicly releasing statistics in 2007/2008.

In the Rotorua district, there were six suspected suicides in this period, two in Whakatane, three in Opotiki but 17 from Tauranga.

The Redstones recently met Tauranga father Graham Skellern, who has been filmed for a documentary on families who have lost family members to suicide.

Mr Skellern, whose son Matt committed suicide aged 30 in 2012, wants a service that provides peer support to people living with mental illnesses. He would like to see a safe, relaxed place created where people do their own thing while being supported by peers they feel comfortable talking to.

Mr Redstone said a peer-to-peer group would likely help others. For him, his son's death came out of the blue.

"He was a happy-go-lucky boy. He never spoke of suicide. A lot of young ones don't realise how final it is, that's what strikes me.

"We were devastated. We couldn't do anything for months afterwards, even cleaning the dishes."

The father and daughter now attend a regular support group for people whose lives have been affected by suicide.

Meeting Mr Skellern at an Okere Falls marae, and the session that followed, has helped the pair "feel more at peace".

"Everyone was there for the same reason. I don't think enough is being done to prevent suicide, we've got to change so many ways of thinking."

Miss Redstone, who has had suicidal thoughts herself, said there needed to be more talk. At 21 she has had two school friends die by suicide. She has also battled cancer, most recently having her thyroid removed.

"I want to educate people about sexual assault and suicide; they are both tapu to talk about so we don't talk about them," she said.

"If I'd heard about this at school, that you're not just killing yourself but your whole family, I would have passed that on."

One Rotorua teenager, who said she felt driven to suicide when her depression got too much for her to bear, thought a peer-to-peer support service would have benefited her and many of her friends too.

"With depression it's not like people know you're depressed, it's hard to tell but in school we never talked about it.

"There's nothing to help kids. A lot of my friends are very suicidal but we all look out for each other. I think a peer-to-peer service would be great."

She said she now sees a therapist and has received support from ACC and her school. Her family were "terrified" by what happened.

"They didn't know what was going on [with me]. It scared them a lot but they have been very supportive."

The Redstones said they still feel judged by others for what happened, Mr Redstone has friends who have yet to talk to him two-and-a-half years on.

"People don't know how to talk to you. Don't be afraid. When people lose family in other ways they rally around, but suicide is different," he said.

The Lakes District Health Board has run a number of workshops as part of its suicide prevention strategy to inform and encourage the community to become more involved in preventing suicide.