"He didn't tell me about the alarm, I was trying to stop it when these cops descended, demanded to know if it was my car when obviously it wasn't; they asked my name then accused me of taking the mickey, I wound up in the cop shop."
His identification eventually established, Nic Crook was off the hook but it's not the first, nor the last time that name of his has consigned him to the "you've got to be kidding" category.
The car episode is typical of the stories Nic Crook tickles our funny bone with; here's a doctor whose favoured prescription is laughter.
What was Our People's reason for an appointment with this fun guy doc?
We felt the urge to know more about him when the spotlight came on him during the recent Dancing With The Stars hospice fundraiser at which he didn't so much step out of his comfort zone to cha-cha across the floor with partner Jo Windell, as he bulldozed into ballroom pumps by Jo's husband, Charlie (Our People, February 13, 2016).
A 2016 contestant, Charlie knew if anyone could cut up the dance floor as a smooth operator it was his medical mate - a Rotorua Hospital-based endocrinologist (simply put, that's hormone medicine), with diabetes his field of expertise.
Returning to where the Nic Crook story began in Lincolnshire, England circa 1966,
the lusty infant that Sister Blood ushered into the world grew into a successful, multi-disciplined sportsman.
"My dad was a huge fan of John Kendall-Carpenter, [British rugby star and chairman of the first World Cup organising committee]; when I was born he said 'look at those hands, they're just right for rugby'."
Nic obliged, playing in his school's 1st XV, moving on to town then county level,
representing East Yorkshire as an openside flanker. We interrupt this transmission with breaking news, Nic's the newly-appointed match day doc for Rotorua's Bay games.
Tuning back into his timeline we pick up that when he wasn't dashing for the tryline he was swimming for the same county, backstroking himself into seventh at the nationals.
He played cricket (school 1st X1), squash and basketball.
For a more sedate pursuit he turned to chess. "That was from about 9 to 14 then I lost interest."
Lorry, whenever did he find study time?
"I guess I'm lucky to have a pretty good memory, not photographic, but pretty good, an enormous advantage in exams. I've been blessed in a lot of ways with academic and physical skills."
Medicine wasn't his first career choice.
"My parents bred Labs so I wanted to be a vet but pre-entry requirements were harder than medical school, I guess that's because animals can't tell you what's wrong."
His school guidance counsellor suggested taking a shot at medicine "the sum total of the advice I received".
After a gap year working as a cost clerk then in a path lab, Aberdeen University accepted Nic into its ranks.
"I really enjoyed med school but am probably a bit of a gamekeeper turned poacher because I wasn't the most dedicated student."
It was his fee-paying work that distracted him, initially as a nightclub barman before promotion to "customer removal executive".
Tick that off as another Nic Crook witticism, it translates into bouncer.
"There's a knack to it, it was helpful I'd done a bit of taekwondo, kali Filipino stick fighting, Thai kick boxing. I was a lot bigger in my bouncer days, my wife still complains I'm half the man she bought."
Nic trimmed down with gym work.
"By the time I was bench pressing 300 pounds my bulk had gone, I've still got a punch bag in the garage, lift weights, but that's pretty sporadic."
The wife he refers to is Laura, the beauty therapist he met in Aberdeen when she was visiting her sister.
"She said you have to come and see this doorman I really fancy . . . one thing led to another with Laura, her sister didn't speak to her for months."
When Nick moved south of the border for his houseman's year Laura followed.
"We married after we'd been together seven years, had a three-month honeymoon in South Africa before that."
Nic was considering cardiology for his speciality but when an academic mentor introduced him to endocrinology, hearts fell out of favour.
"There wasn't a lot of work around in the UK, we looked for a place with no language barrier, the Middle East, Australia, New Zealand.
"One day I got a call saying there's a job in Rotorua, New Zealand, for a consultant endocrinologist, 'do you know where it is'?"
"I said 'yes, my best man lives in Lynmore'."
He was snapped up on the strength of a 2002 telephone interview.
"We packed everything into a container, arriving with three kids then 5, 3 and 2. After six weeks my wife said 'if you want to go back you can but you'll be on your own'. I didn't have to seriously think about it, Rotorua already felt like home to me."
NIC CROOK
Born: Healing, Lincolnshire, UK; 1966
Education: Primary and secondary in Hull, UK; University of Aberdeen
Family: Wife Laura, daughters Elanor 20, Kristin, 17, son Tomas 18
Interests: Family. "I'm a keen mountain biker but not the world's most talented." Rugby, badminton until snapped an Achilles, "eclectic" reading
On Rotorua: "It's got a little bit of everything, it feels like home."
On Rotorua Hospital: A lovely place to work with fabulous colleagues who practice some very, very good medicine."
Other appointments: Adjunct senior lecturer in medicine Auckland University; on medical training committee Sydney Royal College of Physicians, member Pharmac diabetes sub-committee
On diabetes prevalence: "It would be something great to turn around, work myself out of a job but it's increasing worldwide."
Personal philosophies: "Family comes first." "If you're going to do something do it well."
