Ngahi Bidois: Look after number one first

Each of us has our own way of looking after our spirit, writes Ngahi Bidois. Photo / 123rf

OPINION

My father is a person I love and highly respect. He is one of my eagles.

Eagles are people I confide in, learn from and trust. They are people I aspire to be.

One of my father’s key pieces of eagle advice which I would like to offer you as you face the challenges and possibilities of 2023 is:

Look after number one.

My father has always said this to me and I did not understand what his phrase “Look after number one” really meant until one day when I was flying overseas as a part of my professional speaking business and the hostess on the plane said, “In the event of an emergency please place the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others.”

Up until that point I had always thought my father’s advice was a bit selfish. I mean looking after ourselves could easily foster selfishness. However, there is also a piece of my father’s advice missing. I rephrased his quote to me as follows:

Look after number one, so you can look after others.

I need to selfishly put my oxygen mask on first so I can help others to put their mask on.

As we face 2023 this concept has many applications in my life which I would like to share with you in the hope it will help you to wear your mask for others in 2023.

Let’s approach this using Sir Mason Durie’s health model of the four-sided house, the Tapawha health model. This model outlines that there are four parts to our being, the physical, spiritual, intellectual and relational.

So what does looking after number one from a Tapawha model look like?

One of the main questions I ask myself is am I safe and what are my safe places? Places I can be myself. Places I can trust and have confidence in. Places where I am looking after number one physically, spiritually, intellectually and relationally.

For example, my home is one of my safe places. I can be myself at home and whether I am reading a book, studying, swimming in the pool, working on my businesses, watching sports, raiding the fridge, chilling with whānau or sleeping. My home is a safe place.

We have made our home a safe place by keeping our conversations confidential to our home and whānau. We are careful about who we bring into our home. Our home is our physical, spiritual, intellectual and relational sanctuary.

Relationally, my immediate whānau are my safe people along with my eagles. We keep each other safe.

Like any whānau we have our disagreements and challenges, but that is our business, no one else’s.

Since my children became involved in the medical profession, we have adopted the Michael Schumacher whānau concept of “private is private” and have closed ranks in various ways.

For example, I no longer post online about my kids’ activities. How are you keeping you and your whānau safe in 2023?

What are your safe places and who are your safe people? I need to keep myself safe and develop safe places to keep my whānau and others safe. Everyone needs a safe place in 2023.

If looking after number one physically, intellectually and relationally is private, then looking after number one spiritually is very private.

Each of us has our own way of looking after our spirit. I have safe spiritual places and practices that very few know about. These practices keep me safe spiritually whether I am at home or in another country.

Looking after number one and putting on my spiritual mask is a high priority for me because I care for others spiritually.

I am a spiritual leader. I inherited this attribute from my ancestors who walk before me.

Nothing spooky about it really because that’s just who I am and as Māori it tends to be who we are as a people if we choose to be.

Here is one spiritual practice I can share with you for 2023. I walk and talk.

I will often get up early in the morning and go for a walk. While I walk, I talk. I say karakia (prayers), recite himene (hymns), meditate and chill. If others join me, I will converse with them while also saying karakia etcetera to myself.

I have found that if I keep my spiritual mask on and strong then my Tapawha health whare is strong as well. First the spiritual and then the physical is a concept my tupuna taught me many years ago. So how do you keep yourself strong spiritually in 2023? How will you look after your spirit?

Finally, I wish you and your Tapawha a healthy, prosperous and safe 2023. Look after number one and keep your mask on.

Ngahihi o te ra Bidois is an international Keynote speaker, businessman, author, columnist husband, father, Koro and MBA. A Māori Boy from Awahou.