Kevin Page: The 'plonka' guide to marathons

The Rotorua Marathon limelight is usually for those like 2012 winner Phil Costley but spare a thought for the will of spectators. Photo / File

Tomorrow morning a seething mass of brightly coloured T-shirts, Lycra and sweaty bodies will inch its way around Lake Rotorua in the 50th running of our famous marathon.

The hardy souls chasing the opportunity to cross one more item off their bucket list will have (or should have) put in thousands of hours of preparation for the big day.

Tendons and muscles will have been teased into giving just that little bit more each time, fluid intake will have been ramped up to cater for the amount about to be lost (listen carefully and you'll hear it all sloshing round as the race starts tomorrow) and the credit card will have been given a serious workout as shoes, anti-inflammatories, special nutrition bars and the like are purchased in the hope their marathon goes smoothly - by which I mean they make it across the finish line without looking like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards.

But while countless words have been written about the runners and walkers and their preparation for their big day - and rightly so: it's a huge achievement - spare a thought for those who will be watching the event.

It's not as easy as it looks. In fact, I would suggest the preparation required for spectators can be as intense as that of the entrants.

And, just like the runners, get it wrong and you are in for a thoroughly miserable time.

Here are a few tips to ensure that doesn't happen. I call it the PLONKA programme.

P is for Preparation
Watchers need to prepare for hours on the roadside waiting. Ideally over the last few months you will have spent hours just standing in different locations, in all kinds of weather. Occasionally you should remove your hands from your pockets and clap. If approached by members of the public wondering what on earth you are doing you may say "I am training for the marathon".

You may get the odd stare but you are guaranteed space to concentrate from people who will think you are loopy.

L is for Location
On race day you will be out there for hours so somewhere close to a coffee shop and, consequently, a toilet will be best. On sunny days a tree can help for shade and, er, relief.

O is for Opportunity
If you get the chance to get a really good viewing spot grab it all costs. Failing that, cover yourself in compost and wait. Those close by will want to move and you can take their spot.

N is for nutrition
You will get hungry. Particularly mid-race. But unlike the runners, snacks that will sit in your stomach for ages, give you wind and are generally unhealthy will do fine. Pies can be purchased from most service stations and dairies along the route and cans of fizz generally make for an interesting mix. Note: To avoid personal mishaps you should not jog along in support of any runners after consuming this combination.

K is for Kids
Kids love the marathon. Or rather they just love the start and the finish. The rest they couldn't give a hoot about. That's good because in the middle the person they are following will basically shuffle by in a state of delirium not really knowing who they are anyway. To keep the kids' enthusiasm up mid-race locations should include a playground and/or fast food joint. Hamurana and McDs on Te Ngae Rd are good locations for this. Just don't get carried away and race off leaving the kids behind.

And finally A is for Achievement
Well done. You've completed your marathon. Hopefully you're not too sore from sitting or standing and watching all day and you're not too full of pies, fizz and coffee.

Like the runners, you've put in the hard yards and emerged triumphant.

But unlike them it's not a massage or a hot spa you need.

You need to find a way to get rid of those aches and that bloated feeling.

I reckon going for a run would help just fine.