Kevin Page: Boomerang child's impressive return

040313bf7 Rotorua Daily Post columnist Kevin Page 4 March 2013 Daily Post Photograph by Ben Fraser

It would be fair to say I've added the odd pound to my athletic frame over the last few weeks.

Not enough to stop me beating my mate Bruce at tennis you understand - I'd have to be as heavy and slow as an elephant for that to happen, even then it would be no sure thing - but there's certainly a new layer of cuddliness developing.

It's a shame. I was doing quite well. Trimming down, exercising regularly and a six-pack was starting to emerge. Mrs P was quite enjoying the view. Now it's gone back inside and shut the door, miserably accepting it had no business poking its way through in the first place.

The reason for this upsetting reversal is all down to the return of our boomerang child and the food she's cooking for us.

I should perhaps explain Billie has been lost to the social circles of New Zealand for over a year while she battled away in the gurgling cauldron that is Melbourne. That adventure done, she embarked on a cross country haul through the deserts of central and Western Australia.

Now she's come back (as only a boomerang child can do) and she's taken charge of the kitchen.

Mrs P and I are in heaven. Take last night for example.

Normally we'd have something simple and healthy. Last night we had specially made chicken, spinach and ricotta filo parcels on a bed of freshly steamed veg with a delicious home-made sauce that I'm sure would yell "ker-ching" if I could get it to market.

This came hard on the heels of a fish dish so fresh I swear I saw a mermaid looking through the window; a chicken chasseur that was superb but defies further description (mainly because I don't really know what chasseur means) and a lemongrass beef stir fry that demanded seconds ... oh all right, and thirds.

Occasionally we unchain her from the kitchen stove and it has emerged cooking is not the only skill of the boomerang child.

I am regularly supplied with the best coffee while I work from home, the laundry is up to date and folded, the carpets are occasionally vacuumed (nobody's perfect) and George the dog is getting regular walks and training. I'm hoping she can teach him to mow the lawns.

She has also mastered the extremely distasteful backyard poo run whereby various piles of doggy doo are manhandled into disposable bag and, well, disposed of. Note to possible employers: boomerang child is not afraid to give anything a go.

I know of course that some time soon she'll start making noises about going off to try some other new adventure. I'm thinking of getting my lawyer to work out some sort of contract that requires her to return home regularly.

Better still if her future travels take her no further than the city outskirts or she gets a job or a flat here. We'd be more than happy to have her pop round, say, three times a week.

Perhaps an hour or so before tea time and, well, while she's there, how about one of those fantastic chicken filo dishes?

Of course she could always find a nice partner and settle down in Rotorua. It's just a question of finding the right person. Maybe somebody who has a similar interest in nice food and service.

Come to think of it aren't there two nice young men moving here from Hawke's Bay to open up a pizza restaurant just down the road?

I wonder if either of them is single?