We'll be a bit like the crew of the starship Enterprise boldly going where no one has gone before. We don't have a crusty old Scottish engineer somewhere in the bowels of the ship making sure things run smoothly but we do have Chrissie. She has been there 30 years so it's sort of the same thing.
And the good news (though I guess that depends on whether you read my ramblings each week) is they are taking me too.
As I say I was prepared for the worst when the editor motioned for me to sit in the unergonomic economic (work that out) plastic chair in his office to discuss my column.
But it was all good news.
You, the readership, seem to enjoy the bit of a giggle this column provides; regular subject Mrs P has developed something of a cult following (now if I could just work out a way to make a few bob out of that I'd be made! Ideas on a postcard please) and a new market had opened up.
I nearly choked when he mentioned that last bit. A new market!
Finally! After 35 years of two-finger tapping on clunky old typewriters (I reckon my index fingers are strong enough to do push-ups on and I've lost count of the number of keyboards I've broken) I was heading for the big time.
A new market! Would I be read in America? Australia? the UK?
Maybe they'd sold my weekly words to south east Asia. Mrs P and I had always wanted to travel there. Maybe now we would get to go and work would pay for it.
Maybe I would be required to go on an introductory tour where I would attend functions to explain my brand of humour to the local newspaper editors. Obviously Mrs P would get to spend her days being massaged by tiny local ladies who would walk up and down her vertebrae.
But hang on a minute. Maybe the new market is something digital.
To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what "digital" is but I've found if I say the word with some authority I get lots of knowing nods. Try it some time. You'll see what I mean.
Anyway. If the Rotorua Daily Post is the Enterprise then the editor, known throughout the newspaper galaxy for his technical prowess, is the Captain Kirk to lead us there.
I stopped writing my acceptance speech for the newspaper columnist awards in my head as the editor outlined the plans for the future.
After a while it dawned on me I might have overreacted.
There would be no America, Australia or the UK syndication.
I would not be going on an introductory tour of South-east Asia.
Mrs P would have to settle for a coffee from Capers rather than an expensive pampering.
And the reason for the dramatic shattering of my view of the future came in the editor's next words.
"We're just moving your column to Saturday," he said.
-Kevin Page has been a journalist for 35 years. He hasn't made enough money to retire after writing about serious topics for years so he's giving humour a shot instead.
