Here, three couples and three singletons from the Bay of Plenty, share their love stories and answer questions on relationships, ahead of Valentine’s Day on February 14.
Two of us
Dave and Jenny Lewy
‘Nine years worth of stories’: The husband and wife who love a good laugh
The couple met nine years ago through the dating app Tinder, and despite Jenny being unimpressed that Dave turned up 30 minutes late to their first date “wearing a Star Wars T-shirt” she decided to give him a chance. They’ve now been married for six years.
They have three children, Will, 5, Sam, 3, and Ben, 2; and live in Ngongotahā.
Dave, 37, is a business owner, and Jenny, 33, works as both a grants administrator and sound technician.
Name three things you and your partner have in common.
Jenny: Shared values, a sense of humour, and the drive to always want to be better.
Dave: Our values, a similar outlook on the world, and height.
What do you love most about each other?
Jenny: When Dave gets into his uncontrollable laughing fits. It’s usually about something I’ve done that he thinks is ridiculous, and he laughs so hard that he cries and squeaks out: ‘my jaw hurts, stop’. He truly will let go, and I know that he’s happy.
Dave: Her intelligence, humour, and strength.
What is your most treasured memory together?
Jenny: When we sit back and watch the kids play happily or they do something cute and we share a look of ‘we did this. How awesome are these little people who are half you and half me?’.
Dave: Any of our nine years’ worth of the same, silly stories, that keep getting told. They punctuate our day-to-day lives and are touchstones for us as a couple and family.
What are three things you can do to strengthen or improve a relationship in tough times?
Jenny: Communicate; take time to cool off and gain perspective; make time to laugh; make your relationship a priority.
Dave: Communicate emotions and struggles; ask for help; pull in the same direction to overcome challenges.
Who is your relationship role model? Your parents, a celebrity couple, or a friend?
Jenny: I look at our friends and family and there are aspects I would take from any of them. Any of our friends who have been married for 30-plus years have fantastic ways of communicating, which I try to emulate.
Dave: No specific role model. You can’t know what goes on in relationships. The outside image is surely different to the internal reality. I just observe what I like, and do more of that. What I dislike, I do less.
How will you celebrate Valentine’s Day together?
Jenny: Rather boringly. Dave will work during the day, we’ll have dinner with the kids, and then I’ll go off to my choir practice. Not romantic, but I love that Dave knows that one of the best gifts he can give me is to watch the kids so I can pursue my hobbies. We’ll hopefully do a date night on the weekend.
Dave: Keep the children alive, and from destroying the house; have a drink together.
Deidre and Charles “Charlie” Smith
'There was something about him': Deidre knew Charlie was the one the day they met
The day after Deidre met Charlie through a mutual friend, he was involved in a car accident. Deidre cried when her friend phoned to tell her. “There was something about him; I knew that he was my forever.”
That was 12 years ago, and after going to visit him in recovery, she never left his side.
Originally from South Africa, the couple, who have been married for six years, moved to New Zealand in 2018. A fortnight before moving, Deidre, now 33, and Charlie, 40, discovered she was pregnant with their daughter and only child Zivah, 4.
What makes your relationship special?
Deidre: We have respect, honesty, and each other’s back.
Charlie: We started with literally nothing, and have built a life together. We are one. We share everything.
How has your relationship evolved?
Deidre: Moving to a new country is challenging with no friends or family. We started to really listen to each other. Charlie is my best friend and I don’t think we are finished learning about each other. Every day gives you a chance to listen, and be better than the day before.
Charlie: From being young and in love, choosing to spend our lives together, moving countries and throwing a baby in the mix just before we left - we are now super-proud parents.
What is your most treasured memory together?
Deidre: I was 22 weeks pregnant in July 2018, when I found out I had hyperparathyroidism and had to have an operation. My life and my unborn daughter’s life were at risk. Seeing Charlie so scared but so brave, trying to reassure me that everything will be okay. I knew he was more scared than I was. He is my person.
Charlie: The birth of our little girl on November 11, 2018, at 11:11am.
Alternate sharing: What’s something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner? Share a total of five items.
Deidre: Charlie will give (every) last bit to help someone else; he’s funny; hardworking; has lots of love to give; is kind; and the best Daddy ever.
Charles: She's brutally honest; loves completely; is giving; loyal; an amazing mum.
What’s your biggest dream for yourselves as a couple?
Deidre: To be better than the people we were yesterday. To love more than we loved yesterday, and to keep being each other’s biggest supporters in whatever we take on as a unit.
Charlie: To grow old together in such a way that it's still love and not just a convenient habit.
How will you celebrate Valentine’s Day?
Both: Special time together as a family.
Bree and Jackson Jones
‘We got married fast but when you know, you know’: The teenage sweethearts with a baby on the way
Bree met Jackson online, and their first rendezvous was in Hamilton.
They’ve been together for 16 months, marrying on January 14 this year. The couple lives in Rotorua where Jackson, 19, works as a customer sales rep and Bree, 18, is expecting their first child.
"Yes, we got married fast, but when you know, you know," says Bree.
"We found out we were pregnant in October in the midst of our wedding planning. It added a little more stress, but our bundle of joy is such a blessing."
What makes your relationship special?
Bree: In a world of failed relationships and insane dating expectations, I found the love of my life. I’m so glad I found my person. I couldn’t imagine a world without him.
Jackson: Our bond. We are so in sync it can be scary at times. We have been through a lot together and these experiences have made us grow. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with my one-and-only love.
How has your relationship evolved?
Bree: Though we’ve only been together for a short time, our relationship has gone through many bumps in the road that have tested its strength, including spending many months apart thanks to Covid. Although our road was rough to start with, it was worth every tear of sorrow to walk down the aisle and place his wedding ring on his finger, vowing to stay by his side forever.
Jackson: We’re not the same people that we were when we first started our journey. Communication and learning how to listen have been two of the most important things in our relationship. Failing to listen was one of our early downfalls, but now listening to each other has saved us all too many times.
What’s the most important thing you’ve taught one another?
Bree: He taught me how to love myself. I didn’t have great self-esteem during my childhood due to (schoolyard) bullying, and I carried this through into adulthood. I questioned myself a lot. Jackson taught me that I deserve love and that I can overcome any challenge. I still use his words to give myself that extra push whenever I feel down.
Jackson: Patience. It's easy to get mad at things, and it's easy to just give up, but the importance of patience is significant. My wife has pushed me towards goals and taught me that patience is so important when it comes to anything in life, not just a relationship. She's also taught me that not everything requires a solution and that sometimes what she needs is someone to just listen.
What’s your biggest dream for yourselves as a couple?
Bree: I just want us to be happy. My dreams involve us travelling with our kids and giving them everything we ever wanted or couldn’t have. Being the cute married couple that cherishes every moment. I see us taking long walks down the beach and splashing each other with the water. I see us together, happy, and blessed. That is all I want.
Jackson: I’d love for us to move to the South Island and own a beautiful home and have my wife decorate it. Bree’s favourite season is winter and she loves the snow. I hope to give her everything she desires.
How will you celebrate Valentine’s Day?
Both: Jackson is keeping it a secret, but it's likely to involve "many romantic gestures and having a blast together".
Self-love is in the air
Marten Bearda
‘It’s a scary world out there’: Single grandad on finding his feet
The retired dad of two and grandad of six has been single for a year after separating from his wife of 47 years.
Holland-born Bearda, 68, says he and his wife, who married young, "drifted apart" in the last few years of their marriage.
"So, when we sold our house, we also decided on separating. We are still friends and catch up, chat online from time to time; and both attend family gatherings."
There are a lot of people who are afraid to be single, especially as they get older. Why do you think some people are scared to be alone? It's a scary world out there, especially after 47 years. The world has changed from when we were dating. I wouldn't even know where to start.
Does society make us feel bad or inferior or less when we are single? No, however, it's bloody lonely at times. Friends do try and match-make, but I'm not ready for any relationship.
When it comes to love, what are you looking for in a partner that you haven’t yet found? I don’t really know yet. I’ve taken on a new lifestyle doing lots of house and pet-sitting; doing road trips and seeing the country. I have my music and my camera - photography has been a big part of my life and keeps me sane.
If you could be swept off your feet this Valentine's Day by an admirer, describe to us your perfect day. A long beach walk. The beach has always been my "runaway" place to go. I prefer watching the sunrise over the sunset - the start of a new day. Listening to some cool music; a great cup of coffee with breakfast; and lots of chat.
Finish this sentence… 'the best thing you can do for yourself as a single person is…' Be yourself, take care of yourself, and surround yourself with friends. And most importantly, don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help when things get a bit too much.
Billie-Jean Clough
‘I can buy myself flowers’: Be independent, says the mum of two
Mum of two Billie-Jean Clough, 33, has been single for six years.
She's had two serious relationships, the last of which was with a soldier, who lived in a different town.
"We cared for each other but knew that long distance wouldn't work," she says.
What is the best and worst thing about being single? The best - all the space in the bed, and not being kept awake by snoring. I also enjoy my independence and self-growth.
The worst - having to carry heavy bags by myself, or do manly jobs around the house.
On a serious note, it is not having that person in your life you can go to with anything. Who you can be your complete, vulnerable self with, and you know they will still love you at the end of the day.
What's one piece of advice that has stuck with you when it comes to finding 'the one'? Be genuine when meeting someone - the right one will love you for you. Focus on self-growth while you're single. You want to be the best version of yourself when you do enter into a relationship.
When it comes to dating, what has been your experience? Dating is hard, especially in modern dating. I haven't had a good experience in the dating world. I've met a lot of questionable characters with questionable morals, but I still know there are good guys out there.
What's one thing you've learnt about yourself while being single that you didn't know before? That it is okay to go eat out on your own, climb a mountain on your own, or even go on a holiday by yourself. I actually enjoy doing things on my own considering I never thought I would before.
I can buy myself flowers. I love plants and flowers so I'll be doing that.
Do you have any advice for the suddenly single? Time really is the biggest healer of them all, and to do or find new things that make you feel good.
Self-love is just as important as being loved. What's something you'll do for yourself this Valentine's Day? I can buy myself flowers. I love plants and flowers so I'll be doing that.
Susan Reihana
‘You can feel alone even when you have a partner’: Self-love comes first, says Rotorua ‘Nanny’
Lactation consultant, Susan, 58, is divorced, and 10 years ago became a widow when her long-term partner died suddenly aged 52. She lives in a granny flat behind the home of one of her four children.
Known as “Nanny Mumzee”, she also has 14 mokopuna.
There are a lot of people who are afraid to be single, especially as they get older. Why do you think some people are scared to be alone? A lot of people are dependent on others and find being alone depressing. However, you can feel alone even when you have a husband or partner, and a lot of people feel this way. Self-love and self-care are how you can overcome days like Valentine's Day. Treat yourself - go for a facial or lunch, and spend time with your whānau.
Does society make us feel bad or inferior or less when we are single? It would be great to share my life with someone again, as it can be lonely sometimes. However, I don't think society judges single people as there are so many different kinds of relationships now.
How do you feel going into Valentine's Day this year? It is just another day when flowers cost a lot of money, and I'm usually home alone or babysitting my mokopuna.
When it comes to love, what are you looking for in a partner that you haven't yet found? Honesty, spirituality, romance, and being loving and supportive, are what I would like in a man in the future.
If you could be swept off your feet this Valentine’s Day by an admirer, describe to us your perfect day. Being picked up and taken to a lovely restaurant to enjoy each other’s company. Learning about their life and what is important to them. A date that I haven’t had to organise or plan. A man who can take control but is thoughtful.
Finish this sentence... ‘the best thing you can do for yourself as a single person is…’ Know your self-worth and don’t lower your standards just to be in a relationship. Always have integrity and never try to be someone you are not.
