Just over four years ago, I dropped off my toddler to a woman who was a relative stranger and headed back to work after a year on maternity leave.
I was crying so much, my make-up was everywhere.
I had to pull over on my way to the office so I could pull myself together. Will her carer know how she likes her apple cut? Will she cuddle her if she topples over and scrapes her knees?
Of course she will. Choosing a carer was the biggest decision I had made in my life and I made sure I had it right. When you get that wrong, the consequences can be devastating.
Such was the case for 3-year-old Taupo boy Moko Rangitoheriri who was killed by the two people trusted to care for him. So here we go again.