Brian Holden: Daze of old schoolyard little changed

School's in soon for Rotorua pupils. I remember my first primary day in Feilding. Photo / File

Having now got over the barrage of early "Buy now for Christmas" promotions, we've since been getting the same with premature "Back to School" ads.

Oh well, in less than a couple of weeks it'll be reality and hundreds of thousands of parents will be glad to get their littlies and older monsters out the door I'm sure - but it might pay to double-check those dates.

The notifications in the Weekender show at least one school where the starting date and the day do not match, and another that shows the school's logo but no name. One college makes its expectations and guidelines clear from day one, informing students that they will require a pad, pen, lunch and drink, and that the school uniform must be worn on the first day.

My first day at Manchester Street School in Feilding was a terrifying ordeal and six years later being "initiated" as a new entrant at Rotorua Boys' High wasn't much better.

Half a century on and the start of the school year experience seems to have changed little. It really can be unnerving. Still nowadays anxious pupils can at least go to Google and take solace in online support.

WilkiHow for example offers these reassuring tips to get your child off to a smooth start

- Enjoy Your First Day Back at School (10 condensed steps):

Step 1. Lay out your clothes for the next day and fold them neatly on your dresser.

Step 2. Take a shower and be clean. Use soap, shampoo and conditioner, lotion,
deodorant and, for girls, maybe paint your nails. Brush your teeth and use mouthwash floss to make your teeth nice, white and shiny.

Step 3. Go to bed early, be well-rested and not yawning throughout the day.

Step 4. Eat a nice, healthy breakfast with juice and vitamins.

Step 5. Make sure you have everything you need, such as school supplies, lunch or lunch money etc and pack it all so that you are properly prepared. If you are taking a bus, try to avoid anyone who could put you in the slightest bad mood. You shouldn't start out your first day back feeling annoyed.

Step 6. Smile and give friends a hug (if that's uncomfortable, shake hands).

Step 7. Arrive at your class on time and be kind to new teachers you may have.

Step 8. Get lunch. Sit with friends and eat calmly - no need to rush.

Step 9. Finish homework. Do not get stressed out, getting it done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Step 10. Do something fun to end today. Whether you are having some "you time" and sitting down to watch some TV, or going out to dinner with the family, end the day with something you enjoy and make a toast to a new start again.

So there you are, parents and caregivers. If your family lifestyle adheres to that regime of idyllic perfection, it will be that straightforward. For all the rest of you - good luck!

In an age of rampant obesity when people are trying all kinds of methods to shed extra kilos, it's hard to imagine that less than 80 years ago, the nation was trying to do exactly the opposite - to put on extra pounds. And understandably, so as they were the depression days and food was scarce.

Here's part of an advert that appeared in the NZ Woman's Weekly magazine of the time: NEW - SPECIAL WAY TO PUT ON POUNDS FAST! How New Natural Mineral Concentrative from the Sea ... Builds up Weak, Run-down Men and Women ... Fills out Ugly Hollows with Firm Flesh ... Adds 7 Attractive Pounds in 12 Short Days. Thousands of thin, nervous run-down people are amazed at this outstanding new natural way to win back health, vitality, beauty and (wait for it) weight. One delighted customer, who took the stuff is quoted to have increased his weight from 9st. 3lb to 11st. 3lb (75kg) in two months.

Clearly, the concoction (whatever it was) worked a treat - and that was before McDonald's set up camp here.

-Brian Holden has lived in Rotorua for most of his life and has been writing his weekly column for 11 years.