111 Files: Home violence endures if we don't act

Domestic violence will continue if no one takes a stand.

If we are to help people who are afflicted by family violence, we need to help them overcome their fears.

These are some of the common ones. They fear things will get worse if they try to leave and fear not having enough money if they do. They fear isolation and fear not being believed. They fear being judged and fear the possibility friends and family won't support them. They also fear the uncertainty of change and that somehow they will be even worse off.

Some of those fears will be unreasonable ones - but that is what fear does.

Last week I likened family violence to cancer. Whether you are suffering from cancer or family violence, the two biggest enemies you must face are fear and helplessness. Fear tells you to give up. Fear tells you that change is impossible. Fear takes you to a place of helplessness.

The family and neighbours of someone suffering family violence are often living in fear as well. They fear retribution if they do or say something in an effort to stop the violence. So what's the answer? Courage, hope and a white ribbon.

Let's start with courage.

Jude Simpson is a New Zealand family violence survivor who was abused as a child and then in a series of relationships as an adult. Jude now helps others and has shared her story in her book, Lost and Found: A Woman's Living Proof. She talks about being in a state of helplessness; and how isolated and frustrated she felt when people knew what was going on, but wouldn't call the police.

Jude has a challenging question for people who are reluctant to act.

"Say you don't get involved and the next day you hear of the death of a child or a woman getting seriously hurt? How would you feel? It takes courage to intervene, but I always encourage people to do something."

When we encounter family violence, we have a choice. We can look the other way, or we can dig deep, muster some courage and take action.

One of the most inspirational stories of hope and courage I have read is that of Holocaust survivor and Nobel Prize winner Elie Wiesel. He understood how important it was to be courageous.

"I swore never to be silent. Whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation, we must always take sides.

"Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."

You can read more about Jude's story at this link https://www.msd.govt.nz/about-msd-and-our-work/publications-resources/journals-and-magazines/rise/issue-22/index.html or email me at bruce.horne@police.govt.nz

-Inspector Bruce Horne is Rotorua police Area Commander.