First shock -- an extra $5.70 per 100km for the diesel tax.
Next trick: "Take our pre- charge for fuel option and you can return it empty for $84" -- so convenient. But I found out later the van took only $70 worth of fuel. You lose, they win.
Another little price gouger: they charge you for the day you drop it off -- you get six days and maybe a few hours but you pay for seven days.
They also charge a $75 administration fee if you get a speeding ticket.
THE INSURANCE SHOCKER
* A $5000 excess.
* Or, for $28 a day it reduces to $2500.
* Or, for $44 a day to nil.
* For another $4 a day they will cover windscreen and tyres.
* Add another $5 a day breakdown, lost keys, etc, call-outs.
* For $20 they will hire you a folding chair that costs $7 at Bunnings.
* Or, choose the VIP pack, which includes all of the above for $65 a day which, for seven days is another $455.
THERE'S MORE ...
There is no cover for rollover single-vehicle accidents as that is considered to be negligent. I know some companies do, but this big-name company did not.
And there is no cover for overhead and underbody damage to the vehicle.
Imagine the cost if you smash the big over-cab roof by forgetting it is there and hitting a tree or low bridge or shop overhang. It could easily cost you $10,000 to $50,000, or more, if you get it wrong.
CLEVER BUT CYNICAL
The television doesn't work. "Oh, it hasn't since Freeview came out, but you can play videos in it."
Last, but not least, the poor tourists arriving from overseas, no doubt jet-lagged, often wait for an hour or more to check in. Imagine being hit with this when you are tired, there is a language barrier, and you just want to get going.
I guess they just say, "Yes, yes, yes" and pay, pay, pay. Yes, I overheard an Aussie couple complaining bitterly about all this.
What an awful way to treat our overseas tourists who are so valuable to New Zealand.
No left-hand side of the road warnings, either. I saw absolutely no effort to warn or help people used to driving on the right-hand side of the road.
Very few staff speak other languages (I asked). However, there was a video showing how to clean the camper toilet -- in English.
THE INSURANCE SOLUTION FOR KIWIS
If you are hiring in New Zealand, Australia or elsewhere, take travel insurance as most include a rental vehicle excess of $5000, cost only around $10 a day, and they cover other things as well.
It takes only 10 minutes online, and you might get a discount if you use your medical insurer.
Or go to a specialist website such as rentalcover.com or vroomvroomvroom.co.nz.
Ten dollars a day beats $44 a day any time.
Your credit card Check the free travel insurance fine print. Mine does not cover me in New Zealand. It does overseas but only if I put $500-plus of travel expenses on the card, buy a return ticket before I go and return within 35 days.
DID WE HAVE FUN?
Sure did: New Zealand's scenery, the Classic Wings airshow, talked to lots of people, hot pools at Hanmer, picked and cooked free roadside apples, an 8-year-old telling delightful crayfishing stories, swam in Lake Taupo, visited friends along the way, and much more.
But don't take the big risk of losing $50,000 or more if you are unlucky enough to be involved in an accident.
Choose the rental company carefully and use them only if they have single-vehicle rollover cover.
AND DO THEY COVER OVERHEAD AND UNDERBODY DAMAGE?
Do cover the $5000 excess with travel insurance beforehand, then enjoy saying "No, no, no" to the rental firms and their expensive add-ons.
Alan Clarke is a financial and retirement adviser and author. His second book, The Great NZ Work, Money & Retirement Puzzle, is available at acfs.co.nz.
Alan is an independent authorised financial adviser (AFA) FSP26532; his disclosure statement is available on request and is free.