TV review: Mother countries

Judy Bailey's famous niceness can't be dented, even under trying circumstances. Photo / Supplied

Many Kiwis seem to like their language plain rather than fancy. And the telly lately has offered further confirmation that we're a nation who should stick firmly to the laconic stereotype; there's a host of Kiwis having great adventures out there but wherever we go, we're not a nation to wax lyrical.

Whenever we try, the results are usually slightly surreal, such as Marcus Lush's often bewildering verbal ramblings as he marvels on his travels down country in the strikingly scenic, but far less gloriously scripted, South.

Last Friday, former TVNZ newsreader Judy Bailey set out on a very Intrepid Journey indeed: 17 days in South America without an autocue.

Her adventure was called "Iguazu Unplugged". This was probably intended as a reference to the almighty amount of water pouring over the famous falls. But it served equally well for Bailey - in her former life sometimes subject to harsh criticism about emoting over the news - being free to gush away to her heart's content about the vibrancy, passion and colour of Argentina, Uruguay and Brazil.

This woman is more than just correct diction from the days when newsreaders had to "talk proper" and a photogenic face.

Bailey was determined to dig deep on her travels, for example, penetrating into a favela, one of the poorest, drugs and crime-riddled parts of Rio de Janeiro. Fortunately Latin culture respects mothers (and former mothers of the nation travelling with a camera crew, too, no doubt), which might be why the tough favela lad forewent mugging Bailey and took her home to meet mum and admire the slum town's "beautiful, beautiful view".

Down on the farm, Uruguay style, Bailey impressed with her cheerful determination to muck in, even when it came to the repulsive task of de-maggoting sheep. Despite those years of narrating death and disaster she's "not good with gory, open wounds". But she still got stuck in.

Such positivity was impressive but it's hard to out-emote the Brazilians, however, as a visit to the place of premier national passion - the football ground - proved. Another thing South American cultures are good at is dancing and flaunting their booties, which provided Bailey with many chances to demonstrate why she truly spared the nation by turning down Dancing with the Stars.

And though Bailey might not be the most intriguing ad lib travel commentator, she left the firm impression that her famous niceness can't be dented, even in places highly different and unusual.

Over on the Documentary Channel, four Kiwi blokes were on a really intrepid journey, motor-biking from Cape Town to London in African Odyssey, with plenty of DIY spirit and a tight budget. The shoestring approach afforded tantalising glimpses of the landscape, but it seemed a shame the whole adventure had to be crammed into one feature-length episode.

They practised great economy with the commentary too. The entire nation of Zambia elicited about four words - "This is the [expletive] life"- or that might have been in Uganda. Hairy experiences such as bikes falling apart in awkward places or tricky border crossings were stripped down to essentials, such as "a bit of immigration action".

The boys did us proud with their determination never to take the easy route or get carried away by their achievements. Forget the wildlife, potential bandits or overcoming a myriad other daunting challenges. Their greatest fear seemed to be "looking like a tool".

Along the way they also provided us with a sterling template for a typical Kiwi travel narrative, along the lines: "We fanged it through Africa. It was [expletive] amazing. Then we had a few cold ones."