KEY POINTS:
There are no rope climbing walls, no barrel rolls and certainly no moustache-wearing men in stubbies.
Welcome to the modern-day version of Top Town (TV2, Sunday, 7.30pm), where there is no chance of getting a rope burn, that's for sure.
Instead, the competitors in the town-versus-town competition get helmets and life vests, and the obstacle course is made up of leary blue and orange rubber poles, bouncy balls, and a mechanical rolling road - like a giant treadmill - with a mud bath at one end awaiting those who can't handle the jandal.
So it's more like American TV show Wipeout than the original show that toured New Zealand in the 70s and 80s hosted by the likes of Howard Morrison and Mark Leishman. The hosts this time are professional loudmouths Mikey Havoc and Marc Ellis, dancing queen Hayley Holt and commentator Nathan Rarere, who is an excellent mix of excitable, deadpan and smart arse.
While Holt needs to be involved more, and is just a pretty face at present, it's good to see Havoc on a prime-time show because, love him or hate him, his bratty ways are endearing, as are Ellis's.
The Top Town obstacle course in Christchurch is hardly "the greatest battlefield in the country" but it's a good old-fashioned ding-dong-go and the competitors "bring it". The obstacle that has the nastiest bite is the series of rollers that can fold you backwards, ping you forwards and snap you in half.
Or, as Ellis puts it, "I don't think your body is meant to bend like that".
And then there are Havoc's pet names for brutal mishaps like the "divide and conquer" and, especially for the guys, "the impromptu vasectomy".
One super-silly part of these spills and thrills are the cheesy bone-crunching noises and blooper sound effects that are added, kind of like a laugh track on the Benny Hill Show.
As well as the action we meet characters like the Masterton Maulers "super hero", a particularly vocal beast with a motto to "Ruck 'em. Ruck Ashburton. Ruck Papakura. Ruck 'em all".
For the record, Ashburton won a place in the semifinals. It's safe to say the southerners would not have won without their "super hero" and former TV celeb Simon Barnett, whom Havoc hails as a "famous peroxide blond". It's that sort of comment that sums up Top Town - it's cheeky and fun.
