At the flop of their game
Finished for another year in East Dublin, Georgia, is that high point in southern sporting culture, the Redneck Games - a festival of armpit serenading, toilet seat tossing, watermelon seed spitting and, of course, mudpit bellyflopping.
Top competitor Captain Redneck, aka Elliot Campbell, did well across most disciplines, but came unstuck when bobbing for raw pigs feet.
"It took me four tries to grab one and once I did, I realised you had to grab the toe," he said. "That's the trick."
Hunter Beall, an East Dublin local, dominated the watermelon seed-spitting contest. His secret: an intense training regime starting in mid-June with the watermelon season.
"This is my home and this is my country. The redneck nation means a lot to me."
Rob and Rowni Sprague, who married at the games in 2008, opened this year's event by renewing their vows with a bellyflop into a mudpit.
Hillbilly hunting, a Fijian upset, soccer's first rulebook and the student who brought down Wales...
Manhunt
For those from regions such as Taranaki, the Redneck Games (see above) might not be redneck enough. In which case, a sport hunting trip with Mork Encino might be more your cup of moonshine.
The jobless Utah man (paints a picture, huh?) has offered himself as a human target for wealthy hunters.
On his website, huntme4sport.com, Encino says: "I seek hearty gents who fancy themselves sportsmen and bored of the usual game. I am a new breed of prey with thick pelt and smooth hide.
"I'm faster than a wild turkey, smart as any goddam wild boar and willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the monetary health of my family."
You can join in Encino season for US$10,000 - for an extra $2000, he'll do it naked.
"If I am trapped and killed you stand to earn the respect of your fellow hunters, a prize human mount for your wall and all income from any organ harvest."
Upset numbers
Headline of the week: "Fiji senses chance of upsetting All Blacks," courtesy of the Associated Press.
Those hoping for anything remotely approaching an even encounter tonight might consider the number of test caps among Fiji's starting XV: 83. That's 11 less than All Black fullback Mils Muliaina.
Old rules
Soccer's first rulebook, written in 1858, went on the auction block last week at Sotheby's, fetching $1,661,672.
The rules suggest a game closer to AFL than Premier League.
Pushing was permitted, you could whack the ball with your hand on the ground and catch the thing on the full from a kick, matches lasted up to two hours and there were 20 players per team.
Ink's out
Bad news for the idle and wealthy in the ranks of Werder Bremen. Players have been banned from getting tattoos by the club because of the risk of septic infection.
... and so are Wales
Bad news too for the men in the Valleys. Wales have dropped below soccer superpower the Faroe Islands in Fifa's rankings after an astute Faroese political science student found errors in Fifa's numeracy. The two countries were tied in 114th place until Jakup Emil Hansen did the numbers and found that the FI (population 48,644) was 0.07 points ahead of the Welsh (population 3,000,000).
"I think it took me something like five hours to do the calculations, which really aren't that difficult once you know the system Fifa use, but it took weeks to get anything done about it.
"I wrote to Fifa, but did not get anything back. I wrote to the football federation back home, but I didn't get anything back.
"I know I'm not very popular in Wales at the moment, but this is something I had to do. It's only right Fifa's rankings are accurate, even if it is to 0.07 of a point."
Big Olympic effort
Good on the 2012 London Olympic organisers who aren't letting pesky things like the Western world's obesity epidemic stop them from putting the biggest McDonald's restaurant in the world (3000sq m and 1500 seats) slap bang in middle of the athlete's village.
They said it
"I truly believe that something bigger was pulling for this team."
US goalkeeper Hope Solo after getting beaten by Japan in the final of the Women's World Cup. The Brazilians were pulling for them, even after the US knocked their team out, #goleiraeualinda ("beautiful American goalie") was the No 1 topic on Twitter in Brazil.
"Today for us was about respect. We wanted to get some respect. Hopefully we've done that." Samoa's assistant coach Brian McLean after their historic victory over Australia on Sunday.
"If you don't give them some space, they're just going to die. They'll be dead men trying to play rugby and you're just going to get a horrible result." All Black coach Graham Henry on resting tuckered-out Crusaders.
"If Manuel Neuer observes the rules of conduct and maintains a respectful distance [from us], there will be no more organised demonstrations against him." A Bayern Munich fans group offers the traditional friendly welcome to goalkeeper Manuel Neuer, a fan and former player of bitter rivals Schalke 04.
"He's considered the best, the No 1, and everyone recognises that. Every caddie out there recognises that he is the best and that he goes about his business in a slightly different way to everyone else." Kiwi caddie Anthony Knight on colleague and compatriot Steve Williams, sacked from Team Tiger.
"Origin takes such a big toll on your body and backing up 48 hours after a game is probably not the smartest thing. When you look at science and the need to recover it's getting to the point where the game is so much faster ... it's getting unhealthy." Eels star Jarryd Hayne says league needs standalone Origin weeks.