16 things we'd like to see in 2011

Golf needs Tiger Woods. Photo / AP

16 Tiger triumphs

Let's face it, golf needs him. In maybe sport's most daunting sex scandal ever, the tale of Woods' dalliance with dozens of women while his Swedish missus stayed at home and ironed the curtains transfixed the globe - as did the US$100 million divorce settlement.

The impact was heavy. Woods lost sponsorship, credibility, became a figure of fun for a time, lost his world

No 1 ranking and didn't win a tournament for the first time in his glittering professional career. But, when you come right down to it, what can you remember of the majors and the entire golf year with Tiger tamed? Uh huh, that's right - not much. Seeing if he can reclaim his swagger will be one of the fascinations of 2011.

15 The Volvo rides again

Team New Zealand will ride the wild waves in the Volvo round the world race. While the race won't conclude until 2012, it will begin in Spain in October. A bold showing by Emirates Team NZ will bring back fond memories of the Blake-Dalton salad days; those amazing pictures of yachts surfing surging seas and set things up for a sailing celebration when the race comes to Auckland in February 2012.

14 The Breakers break a duck

There's a long way to go but the Breakers could become the first New Zealand team to win an Australian league - and are then followed by the Magic and Warriors and Phoenix. Well, we can dream, can't we?

13 Val Adams to stick with a coach

... For a whole year and all the way to the world championships in Korea and the 2012 London Olympics. Yes, please.

12 The end of the Borat costumes

At the Wellington Sevens at the Cake Tin in February, we have a fervent hope those blokes who have worn the iridescent green Borat costumes with the revealing, er, regions have firmly closed the door on this fashion frivolity - "for make benefit of the glorious people who sit behind them".

11 Joel Monaghan opens doggy day care centre

Dogged (sorry...) by last year's scandal, Joel Monaghan rehabilitates himself by opening a doggy day care centre where he promises nothing but the best for man's best friend. But he won't be offering to give a dog a bone...

10 Bolting back

The amazing Usain Bolt bursts back into prominence after a torpid 2010 in which he was surprisingly beaten by Tyson Gay. And where was he for the Delhi Commonwealth Games anyway? Watch for Bolt to take the world championships by storm.

9 Roman bath

The All Whites give Italy a bath in a specially-arranged 'revenge' fixture in Rome, designed to allow Italy to bury the memories of that horror 1-1 draw in the World Cup which saw the All Whites finish ahead of them on points in the group stages.

This will not happen - it's pure fantasy - but we'd love to see the All Whites win 4-0 with a hat-trick from Chris Wood, who discovers during his first goal celebration he has forgotten to wear his ridiculous underpants.

8 Maria Tutaia blossoms

Tutaia's amazing shooting at the death in the Commonwealth Games netball final captured a nation and finally - finally - brought to light a real alternative to the incomparable, but closer-to-the-end-of-her- career-than-the-beginning, Irene van Dyk. What we'd really like to see is Tutaia bringing that sort of brilliance consistently to bear in 2011, as opposed to her previous up-and-down self. If she does, the Silver Ferns could be banking another world championship.

7 Canoeing stops capsizing itself

Has there ever been such a saga of backbiting, politics and destructive forces as New Zealand canoeing at present?
The war between dumped former coaches Ian Ferguson and Paul MacDonald, and national body Canoe Racing NZ has spread to involve other coaches, high performance staff, former CRNZ board member Alan Thompson and athletes. No one involved has come out of the episode with any credit and the question has to be asked: if CRNZ wanted to chart a new course that didn't involve our best-performed Olympians, couldn't they have found a better way to do it?

6 Daniel Bell has a beer. Just one...

Swimming NZ's ludicrous cover-up of the real story behind Daniel Bell, the Jesse Ryder of New Zealand swimming, did what most coverups do: failed - and exposed worse goings on.

A Herald on Sunday inquiry showed Bell was sent home early from the Delhi Commonwealth Games because he had broken the zero-tolerance booze policy by having what was euphemistically termed "a couple of beers".

Turned out Bell - who had boozily misbehaved at two previous championships (the Beijing Olympics and Rome world championships) - had to be helped to walk in Delhi, according to witnesses. Also turned out his team-mates weren't happy about SNZ's protective treatment of Bell but were too scared to speak out publicly. So we genuinely hope Bell and the New Zealand swimming team do well at the Shanghai world championships this year - and do so in a spirit of openness and transparency.

5 Black Caps show up well at the World Cup

Cricket nearly lost its way in this country last year - with many fans set to turn their back on the sport as the player- led structure wobbled and crashed. Now, with new coach John Wright on board, we feel confident enough to make two predictions - the World Cup in March will be a triumph for Jesse Ryder (if fit) and Brendon McCullum.

4 Sepp Blatter buried in an ant hill in Qatar

Loony, loony, loony. Has there ever been a loonier decision than Fifa's awarding of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar? The decision confirmed existing prejudices that football's world body is corrupt and the so-called rationalisation they had voted against England because their media had been offending Fifa with their reporting of questionable practices merely confirmed the confirmation.

So the Herald on Sunday sincerely hopes Blatter visits Qatar, is captured by brigands and buried in an anthill with honey smeared on his face and, er, down his shorts, until he promises to introduce technology in a game crying out for it and stands down so Fifa can work for football - and not for Fifa.

3 Warnie sexts Posh

Not content with Liz Hurley and sexting some bloke's good-looking missus in Melbourne, we think Shane Warne will probably go for gold this year - and sext Victoria Beckham.

Whether he sends a photo of himself, complete with perky regenerated hair and Liberace's teeth, is unknown.

There's no telling how Posh and Becks might react to this - but all they'll need to do is tune in to the new TV show, Warnie, hosted by the man who was the greatest bowler these old eyes have ever seen.

If they do, they'll know that greatness in sport is no guarantee of taste and decorum and that Yawnie is a perfect example of the fact ego and a mobile phone can make a monkey out of even the master.

2 Spurs win Premiership; Champions League

Oh, all right... it won't happen. But we can dream, can't we? 'Arry might do it. Jermain Defoe will be back on song, Rafael van der Vaart superb, Gareth Bale brilliant and... Then there's the defence. Oh.

1 All Blacks win World Cup

This is what we all want; ending the yearning of 24 years. There is another, just as vital, factor, though.

New Zealand and New Zealanders have to be good hosts of the RWC 2011, welcoming and partying with our visitors like it's 1999... er, 1987... Parking our obsession with the All Blacks long enough to make the Cup an unforgettable experience all round.

And, when/if we win, there is the next goal - the selection of the man who will try to become the first All Black coach to win the World Cup offshore.

Ah, the anticipation...