I am greatly pleased by people showing how much they love each other in a public place.
Why not? What possible reason could you have to not be okay with PDA?
Would seeing someone face-on-face, tongues-a-go-go really offend you? Or would you just be surprised because it's not usual behaviour?
I hate to pass on that terrible news to you while you're on your high, boring, beige, void-of-passion-outside-your-home pedestal, but you need to move with the times. It's not okay to judge others' love.
Worse still, are you actually just jealous? Do you long for the warm embrace of another's saliva mixing with yours? Or, scaling it back a bit, how about someone sitting on their partner's lap? Or a passionate hug and a head resting on a shoulder?
What about someone running a hand up and down someone else's back or neck or leg in a way that is opposite to a vigorous sports massage?
There's no difference on any of these for me. They're all affection and they're all great.
In such a forward-thinking world we seem to have left behind how cool it is to actually show your affection in public, in person and in real time.
Rather than just take a duck-face selfie with your #boyfriendofinstagram boyfriend, why don't you try a little PDA in the Bay with your partner?
Are you worried that someone might judge you? That's their problem, isn't it? Do you care more about the opinions of others than kissing your lover?
Plus you now have PDA permission from the very highest level. The French!
The home of passion and romance took until 2014 to actually come up with a word for French kissing. The word is galocher — meaning to kiss with tongues. Which surely means if it was happening so frequently in France that they had to finally name what everyone else had just named after them for decades, then it must be catching on.
So, guys, it is officially okay to PDA in the Bay.
• Will Johnston is the local 9am-3pm host for The Hits Bay of Plenty 95FM. He's also a celebrant and MC.