Will Johnston with his partner Tiffany.
During Movember, Will Johnston tackles issues affecting men's health.
How annoying are women?
Am I right?!
Even if you are a female you know you're sometimes sick of yourself/the others who inhabit your gender.
Women, from my humble viewpoint as a lowly and respectful gentleman, are SO harsh in their judgment of other women. That's fine, it is what it is and you do you.
To be fair I get sick of guys sometimes too. We all judge our own. Also, you're a dead-set liar if you deny, as a female, having a good bitch to other females about how guys are just "so dumb" and "gross" and "oblivious to all types of feeling and emotion".
I got that last one directly from my girlfriend just now. She's currently adding: "Half the time I don't know how you function through life."
Okay babe, chill out, let's not turn this ugly. Haha! She just shot me 'the look'.
Let's move on ... So, Movember has been a bit of a journey for me. Actually a journey of self-discovery - as naff and silent women's-only-yoga-retreat-kumbaya as that sounds, it really has. It's made me wake up to myself and be honest about all types of my health.
It's also made me realise I need great women in my life to be a healthy man.
I've done some dumb stuff as a guy.
I've hurt women who loved/love me with my actions, but I've learnt from it.
I wouldn't know much about who I really am at all if it wasn't for women.
I have the most amazing, gorgeous, supportive and out-and-out talented girlfriend.
I get to come home to her every day and express all my feelings, from love to frustration.
We learn a little more about each other every day, and about ourselves.
One of the main things she taught me, as a guy, is to actually express how I'm truly feeling and not be judged harshly for that. How you feel is how you feel. Why hide it and why do the 'guy' thing, and bottle it up. That's never going to be healthy for a relationship, right?
She also made me up in drag (see last week's column). Something about being in touch with my feminine side.
I have a brilliant sister who, for the vast majority of my life, has given me advice, support, annoyance and called me on my s**t repeatedly.
She also used to rile up our mother by crying and yelling for help from mum because I was beating her up when we were kids ... When I was in a completely different room. Devious.
To be fair, I would lie in my bed at night as child and perfect my best cow mooing noise so she couldn't sleep.
We've clearly enriched each other's lives.
She, for her sins, is now surrounded by males constantly - one male husband and two male toddlers.
They'd be lost without her. She'd be lost without them. It's truly lovely.
My mother, as well as being generous enough to birth me, is a great lady.
She's loved me so much for all these years. She's shaped my opinions and character with her actions and love.
She's taught me, told me off - like that time when I was 9 and my best friend and I threw rocks and bags of water at people and cars from the end of our lawn that dropped down a steep cliff to the road.
She's got a great sense of humour, she used to have a perm (ha) and she gives the best little mum hugs (like physically - cos she's 5ft 3).
She's always great in a crisis, she's annoying and she worries too much. She's passed on some of these traits to me ... and I've also taken a hard pass on some of them.
But it's all helped to shape me.
If my life was a high diving competition, mum (and dad) built the 10 metre platform I've been punishingly belly-flopping off for the last 18 years.
Where I work, The Hits 95FM, is a female skewed station.
The office is largely female.
I aim/try (frequently fail) to relate to and interact with females every day of my working life. I love that.
There's a certain atmosphere that is created when women outnumber men that I believe actually makes men perform better and be a little less of the 'lads lads lads' and more of the 'let's have a laugh, try not to swear too much and actually get some work done'.
Sidenote: I actually believe women in a group are waaaaaaay more crude in mind than men. Am I wrong?
What I'm getting at is that women test me more in a work environment; their vibe makes me perform better.
Finally, my female friends. As a guy, if you ever want to REALLY get the lowdown on how the rest of the world sees you, if you're out of line, if you're being a bit of a dick and if you've done something embarrassing, then get some female mates.
They're cutting, and they're awesome.
They're also the kind of caring you need when things capitulate around you, the kind of congratulations you never knew you deserved when things go well, and the kind of people that make you feel like it's okay to dance like a blind praying mantis playing tennis at Friday Jams in Auckland last weekend!
I need women around me in my life to be a better, healthier man.
- Will Johnston is the local 9am-3pm host for The Hits Bay of Plenty 95FM. He's also a celebrant and MC. Follow Will on Instagram on @radiowill.
As the crowd chanted, Seymour walked back into the Beehive with his MPs.